I want to matter.
I know this is part of codependency, feeling like I want to matter, that I want to make a difference, that I want to feel appreciated.
So often at work, I feel like it wouldn’t make much difference at all whether I was here or not. Yes, sometimes, the phone rings and I am the one who answers it, but mostly, I feel like what I do doesn’t make that much difference.
And I think, sometimes, that when I leave, nobody will miss me. Someone else will answer the phone, but nobody will miss me, who I am.
At home, I know I’m important to my daughter, to both of my daughters, but they have their own lives. Which is how it should be.
As far as my husband goes, I often feel like if I weren’t there, it would be an inconvenience to him, and he wouldn’t have anyone to listen to him, but I don’t think he would necessarily miss me.
I know I need to find my worth in myself, not depending on others to give me worth. I’m trying to work on that.
But still, I want to feel like I somehow make a difference to someone, somehow. To know that someone actually cares whether I am here or not.