I asked him to move out

This morning, he said, I wish you wouldn’t assume bad things about me, like that I left the animal carcasses in the path and that I burned out the light bulb.  (A light bulb in the bathroom was burned out this morning and I changed it but I also asked him if he knew it was burned out.)

I simply said, okay.  I decided not to go into why I make these assumptions, etc.  I just said okay.

And I wasn’t going to say anything else.

But then when my daughter left, she was so upset and she said that she couldn’t take much more of this.

So when I went back in the house after telling her bye, I told him that I wanted him to move out.  I told him I didn’t care where.  I said he could stay with his parents, or stay with Josh, or get a trailer, or even stay in his shop.  I just wanted him to move out.

He said he was trying to be kind and loving and patient and give me what I need. 

I said, well, obviously that wasn’t working.

He said he takes out the trash and does the dishes and works hard and pays the bills.

I told him that that isn’t what relationships are built on.  I told him that he has no relationship with our daughters, that we never have deep, personal conversations, that I can’t discuss anything with him that makes him feel uncomfortable. 

He said, like what?

I repeated the above list.  And I said that he doesn’t pay all the bills and that I do more housework than he does.

I told him that a man who has no relationship with his children has problems and needs help.

He asked, what did I do?

I said, I screamed, YOU DID NOTHING!  YOU DID NOTHING!  I told him that children need a daddy and that he did nothing to be a daddy.

Then I said I had to go to work, but that I wanted him to move out.

So a few minutes later while I was putting on my shoes, he said, we can talk about this tonight. 

I said, talk about what? 

He said, whatever you want. 

I told him that I wanted him to move out, for our daughter’s sake. 

He said that he knows that she hates him and that he just gives her space. 

I said, she needs more space.  I want you to move out. 

He said, I don’t think that is the answer. 

I told him again that I wanted him to move out and I left for work.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I asked him to move out

  1. stillmixedemotions says:

    OMG!! that’s huge!! HUGE!!! honey don’t back down, this is it, this is your way out – do it!!!!! I’m so jealous right now but happy for you – go go go pleeeeeeeeeeeeease for all of us who have hope of being strong enough to do the same thing :'(

  2. Sofia Leo says:

    YES!!! Stick to your guns! You know he will try to talk you out of it tonight. Stay strong and just keep repeating yourself – don’t let him distract you with his bullshit. Oh, I hope he leaves tonight :-)

  3. K says:

    He has a place to go, so tell him it’s a 3 month separation if you need to. Stick to your guns.

  4. You are braver than I am!! I’ve been married 30 years ~ my child is an adult ~ and I still can’t do it!! Kuddos to you!!

  5. OneDayAtaTime says:

    This kind of behavior sucks the life out of everyone who is around it. I can see now then I didn’t but today, I DO SEE HOW IT Does! My daughter has a hard time expressing love and she is 20, in and out of relationships cause she is so confused about why she wasn’t loved from her father and to this day, her father has no clue how to help her with anything, it is always on me. My hole house has became “ask mom”. Kids get screwed up with lack of love, they sense it but will never say it. Kids don’t want to hurt no ones feelings. I feel for kids who have to deal with relationships problems with passive-aggressive, alcoholic’s and ects! Passive-aggressive will confuse a child because all of the promises are broken almost always. The I love you’s are hollow. How icky, I hate it. I figure this all out and putting 2+2 together and I am not liking it. Alcoholic’s you have deal with their drinking, watch out for them when they are drinking and when they think they can’t drink no more and dry up. Your not allowed to go and do anything if there is a beer around. The wife’s again figuring out okay where can I go where there is no drinking going on.

    I pray to God all the time to help me figure it out all the time. Then God speaks to me, He is like girl you know this is not right. (hint) (hint) Girl you should not be thinking and creating all of your families want, desires, and needs. They are responsible for them. You get along and you stay on track and keep the kids on track. Let that man figure out if he has the wants to get things done. If he doesn’t straighten up and fly right then “I” know “I’m” going to have to make bigger changes. God spoke to me clearly for years. Stupide girl. I just was confused with taking my vowels serious, now I am seeing how he hasn’t been talking his serious at all. Stupid girl again, In reality I was making him look good out of my guidance, me doing the work he probable should have been doing. (He has done some work around here but every single time there is a fight about it, I think we can and he doesn’t think we can… One thing is I hate is paying other people to do things that we can do ourselves.)

    So I did tell him a few weeks ago I am taking half of my money back and saving it for me. You have some work to do on yourself, It just isn’t expectable to me how you have been treating me. I do not have no idea how this is going to work out. He could get pissed and leave me again which was hell on me and the kids or I can show me I will stand my ground, I am gonna do me and he can follow or be left behind. It’s not my decision at all, it is his. I been getting my stuff in order just in case I want to just pick up and leave him, like he has done to me in the passed, which that is still a had pill to swallow, very hard to deal with that one too. He just had the nerve to pick up and leave me. Not say nothing when he left me. I think he just did it to break me down, for me to beg for money because I had just enough to pay the bills. I bailed us out of debt with my retirement. Now he has a retirement fund and I do not because I spend my retirement on getting us bill free and a 3 car garage 1 year ago for our damn future I thought that we made a commitment together as one. (Well after that, yes me begging he is home now we do get along and I don’t know right now. I don’t know, I have hope and then I have a bad feeling) The garage doesn’t have electric yet, I left that to him, I took care of the garage being built. Well anyways, I’m thinking now when he left me he might of wanted me to be beggar, to feel helpless, to make sure I just knew how much he made and I was going to know it very clear. Maybe he got a kick out of it or loved control he had over me, I don’t know but it is making some sense to me, I a little, with therapy. Nuts, spending so much time in therapy when you just trying to make another person realize and trying to make a normal family. I may have made him feel important, he want me to look and see the he makes good money. I always had to call him and ask the what, who, when, why, and all the how’s. Finally, I had an incident and he did come home to help me. That is the confusing part to me right now.

    Sorry so long, I don’t feel I am rambling either. I believe and see every single day how broken promises mess people of all ages up. My heart is rooting for you, my doctor and therapist says I would get everything back that I put in. You know the bad thing is… when you just stop caring, the weeds get higher, the porch gets dirtier, the hot tub starts looking old, the house stops getting pictures put up, and the conversations are low, you stop doing stuff like you use to because your the one putting it all together and that becomes a real drag too. Then the big boom is.. You start asking your self… is this what I want, is this what I want for my kids. The truth for me is I just want to be married, both of us have dreams and things to do but we both should make them come true, not just one person and the other follows along like they don’t know how to make it happen. I think sometimes, Hello we have done this over 30x, get with the program but …… “I have to remind myself he is passive-aggressive and he is gonna always be mad about something and be so sweet on the outside about it and at some point in time I will be his willing victim until I get it together, figure it out,

    I calked our driveway real big like they do with spray paint: Some People Watch, While Some People Do-It. He didn’t respond to it at all for awhile then he says, “How long did that take you.”
    I said, “Awhile.” and it was the end of the conversation, we just sat there, saying nothing.

    I don’t know I am just thinking out loud like you do, I like wish I could at times too. So please Keep up your good work and deeds. THE COURAGE YOU HAVE IS JUST Priceless! I AM Sorry this is so long, I’m sure you understand. Asking him to leave is A BIG STEP EVEN IF HE DOESN’T OR DOES HE KNOWS YOUR SERIOUS, THAT IS CLEAR! GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I DO NOT BELIEVE GOD WOULD WANT ANYONE TO BE QUIETLY TORCHERED MENTALLY LIKE SOME PASSIVE-AGGRISSIVE PEOPLE CAN DO and HURT those who do the most for them.

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