Julie, the therapist, said that he is supposed to spend fifteen minutes every evening telling me about four emotions he had that day.
Last night, he told me that he felt apprehensive when I asked him why we were married. (See post.)
I asked him, why.
He said that he thought it was more of a rhetorical question on my part and that he felt like no matter what he said, it wouldn’t be the right answer.
You know, this listening to him telling me about his emotions is kind of hard.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s really good for him to do this. Last night, I gave him a list of different emotions and he said that he had no idea that there were so many emotions. He does really need help in this area.
The thing is, once again, I am like the mommy. It’s kind of like listening to my daughters. I’m a pretty good listener so this is what I do, but with him, I don’t feel like we are two adults sharing. Part of it is because I am only supposed to listen. I’m not supposed to share my side of it. I’m only encouraging him in his sharing. Which is how it is when I am talking with children.
When I’ve listened to my daughters in their troubles and tried to help them, then I feel drained from giving of myself. I don’t mind giving of myself. It’s just that then I wish that I had someone – another adult – to share with, to help fill me again. I hope this is making sense! But he has never been there for that. Usually when I’ve finished talking with my daughters, then he has his own demands.
So now, I’m listening to him like I have listened to my daughters, and I feel drained from giving and not receiving, too.
The other thing, sometimes the things that he says to me about the way he feels are unjust. Yes, his feelings are real and that is fine. But given Julie’s assignment, it doesn’t allow me to try to work things out. I guess things never really work out anyway, so maybe it doesn’t matter.
Last night after he shared his emotions, he asked if he could kiss me good night. I said, okay.
And he did. It was longer than the usual peck, but it was still hard and reserved. Not really loving.
Then he said that he married me because he liked kissing me.