deep, dark depression

I feel so hopeless.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to deep, dark depression

  1. English Rose says:

    It’s tough to feel like this but I hear you. We all hear you. I believe that you are loved by your daughters and friends and I suspect by your husband too if only he could allow himself to show it. I believe that you are also loved by all your readers. I have a wish for you, that you could love yourself as much as these people do one day. I believe you will and that you will have a happier life. Perhaps later you might feel up to telling us why you feel like this, today in particular, and when you are ready, we will all be here to listen and offer support.

  2. Karen says:

    English Rose said it perfectly. We are all here to listen. It is always darkest before the dawn. Maybe this what is going to push you to finally make a move. Think of it as growing pains. Let us know what’s going on. Maybe just putting it out there will help or someone will say hey that happened to me and this is what I did. We are her for you and my heart goes out to you.

  3. Childofthetruth says:

    WP, English Rose and Karen are right! This feeling will come and go. And you can’t believe any of your negative thoughts during this time. Trust me and trust others in what we all share with you. We care about you and want you to be happy. It will happen!!!! I sit here wishing I could reach out and hug you. I offer my words of comfort. Don’t give up. Say it to yourself. Over and over all day long, even if you don’t “feel” like it. “Don’t give up” “I care about myself” “Others care about me” Say it!!!!

  4. OneDayAtaTime says:

    When I get to the very depressed stages I am a mess. I am lonely, hurt, and can not stop until I think of how I can dig myself out of this mess of over globed feelings that comes over me. I miss out on a lot of stuff just figuring out how to lick my wounds until I can recover. It has been taking me longer to recover because I am getting older too. I told my husband if he doesn’t get a happy medium at least I do not know how many more tactics I can put up with because my healing time is much more longer than it use to be. I am and was totally serious when I told him. I can feel the pain from his tactics for 3 weeks now which I used to heal in a week. My emotional balance get thrown off and my kids and grandkids pay a high price I see now because I can not do what I usually do, my smile is taken away, my drive for live is taken away and time away from my mom is taken away. I am starting to see how this is very bad for me and the ones who I love.

    Good Luck and I have sent some of my angles your way to help your angles out with you. Read about how many angles one person has and how they are just so excited to help out in anyway they can but you have to give them a pacific job to do or they can not do anything but watch. Hugs your way!

  5. Jwhowhat says:

    I feel for you very much. And I would urge to seek the counsel of a doctor. I don’t mean a therapist necessarily, but rather someone who can prescribe a mild anti-depressant that can help stablize your mood. Not to numb you, but to give you back your emotional balance. I speak from long experience. You can find yourself when you are not so emotionally keeled all the time. Take charge of your mental health, like you want to take charge of your life and marriage. Do what YOU need to do to begin to recover and know that sometimes medications help recover our strength that was hidden away under deep, deep layers of hopelessness and depression. Great good luck to you.

  6. Sofia Leo says:

    You are not alone. Light and love to you on this dark day. Tomorrow will be better.

  7. jenna says:

    Maybe this can make you feel just a little bit better?…

    Your blog has given me the courage to end a young relationship of only 6 months. I am in my early forties and after years of dating, I honestly thought that this was “it” for me. Everything started out well and we had a lot of commonalities in terms of our backgrounds,etc. However, I recall noting some passive aggressive tendencies in him right away, when he had recounted stories about past relationships. The women were all wrong and mistreated him. He even alluded to having distanced himself emotionally and sexually from the last one as he thought she’d “pick up on it”. He ended up staying with her for many more months.

    Well, lo and behold, 5 months into our relationship, he begins to blame me, yell at me and subtly ‘punish’ me when I shared with him how certain behaviours and insulting comments he made had hurt me. Even though we eventually resolved this and I forgave him for these hurtful words, he started to continuously punished me and distance himself from me. When I would ask him about this change in our relationship, he denied it but would set new lines in the sand, including reasons for not spending weekend nights over at each other’s places, etc. He planned short trips on his own and then uninvited me to a family get-together, while expecting me to care for his dog. He even started to set limits on how much he wanted me to pet his dog. This went on for a month. When I finally told him that he was pushing me away, he denied it and said it’s too bad I feel that way.

    Anyway, all this to say, that your blog helped me to figure out what was going on. Being a little older now, I am definitely wiser than I was several years back. Putting all of this info together, I decided to end the relationship. I have had some doubts and sadness since, but overall I’m feeling empowered about my decision.

    I realize that for many of you it’s not as easy to leave, but I want to thank you for preventing another woman from experiencing the insidious emotional torture that comes with being attached to a PA.

    All the best.

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