my husband is a jerk

This morning, I went for a walk with a girlfriend.

(When I had told my husband I was going for a walk, he asked if he could come, too.  I said, yes.*  He asked me where I was going to go for a walk so I told him.  He said he didn’t want to go for a walk there and decided not to go with me.  So then I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go and she did so we went for a walk.)

(*This was me calling his bluff.)

He knew that when I got back from my walk that I would need to take a shower so I could meet my daughters for lunch.

When I got back, I went to take a shower – I was already running late to get ready – and he told me, oh, you might want to wait awhile since I used up all the hot water.

So now there isn’t time to take a shower before I meet my daughters.

So very, very, very thoughtful of him.

And this morning he said, you feel so good – I think you should make passionate love to me.

I didn’t.

I didn’t want to spend the day crying.

Do you think he could be mad at me?

(That last is sarcasm, by the way.)

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to my husband is a jerk

  1. Teresa says:

    LOL!!! They are ALL jerks! Self absorbed, arrogant jerks! Hope you have a great time with your daughters…forget about him for a few hours and have a great time! :)

  2. Jwhowhat says:

    So I hear and understand your pain. These guys are not capable if feeling/expressing human emotions. I am so sorry for you. And for me and all of us. And fuck my life (fml), my husband us asleep in a chair at 8 o’clock on a Sat nite. FML. While i wanna talk about the complexities of Dexter or anything! God. Lonely as hell. Tried to talk to him tonite about deeper stuff but ain’t happening…once again-FML. But u REFUSE to be a victim of anyone or anything. So it is up to me to find my way. My daughter and my son deserve this example of self-help and affirmation. But ur us still lonely as he’ll sometimes. Courage, ladies.

  3. Karen says:

    It’s amazing to me how they can invite themselves to something you have planned. Then decide they don’t like your plans and try to change them. Pretty soon it’s all about them and your lucky they are even letting you come along. Good for you that you outsmarted him. And I am proud of you for not having sex with him. It would not have been passionate or about love.

  4. mixedemotions says:

    at least you are on to him now, better than it was before from your end I mean. But it’s exhausting to always think ahead, I got tired and that’s why after so many years, I was so emotionally drained. Hope you get some more you time like you had with your daughters and your walk with your friend. Jerk is too nice a description for them, we should all brainstorm a really nasty word for these dumbasses.

  5. Teresa says:

    A question? How long a shower would he have to take, to use all the hot water? We are five people, and we NEVER run out of hot water! I know there are different size water tanks, but usually a house has a nice size hot water tank…I was thinking about this today and wondered just how long he had to run the shower AND waste all that water, LOL!!!

    • We have been at a vacation house with friends. In the bathroom off of our bedroom, there is a two-person jacuzzi bathtub. He decided to fill it with hot water. It would take – oh, I don’t know – maybe seventy eighty ninety gallons to fill it. WAY more gallons than the hot water heater in the house holds! He knew I needed to take a shower and he knew it would take all the hot water to fill this tub. So….

  6. crushed&confused says:

    I just wanted to send you a message because I wanted to thank you for writing your blog. The biggest source of comfort is to know that I’m not crazy – that someone else is going through all of this as well. I’ve known for years that there is something wrong with my husband, in fact, I knew pretty much after a few dates that something just didn’t feel right – the anger, the immaturity, the nastiness and vindictive behaviour that he sometimes displays which always takes me by surprise – I mean, this man is supposed to love me, right? I always felt like I could help fix him, he even would admit that I was the only one that stood up to him and made him see his behaviour was wrong but it was always just words, his actions never followed through. So, after six years of this emotional rollercoaster, I told him last night that I wanted to get off. At first he was aggressive and blamed all this on me – he has been trying to change and I’ve been nasty to him. I told him I wasn’t going to discuss it anymore and he should just face up to it, he stormed out of the room and went to bed. I left for a couple of hours and came home to find him waiting for me. He cried, begged, said he would go to counselling, admitted his behaviour was wrong and he finally wanted to change. I sat there watching him beg and cry at me and my heart felt like a stone. I’ve wanted to believe so many times that he will change – I’ve placed so many hopes in his promises and now I don’t trust him anymore. I have no respect or feelings of tenderness for him and I feel like the biggest b@tch in the world right now, but surely it’s time for me to be selfish and think about my needs. Will counselling ever make him change? Should I let myself hope again? Can I let down my defences and try to love him again? My gut is saying no, and so many other accounts I’ve read from other women all say the same. They let them weasel their way back in, only to be subjected to the abuse all over again and ten years down the road they are full of regrets… I wish someone could just tell me what the right thing to do is…

    • No, you’re not crazy. And that was a huge relief to me, too, when I realized that I wasn’t crazy. Sometimes I still feel like I am, but the facts say otherwise.
      My advise would be – don’t take him back. You KNOW nothing is different. Tell him that if he goes to counseling, SERIOUS, very frequent counseling for a YEAR while you two live APART and have no contact, that you will consider dating him again after about ten months. If he is willing to do that, then maybe he sincerely does want to change. If he is not willing to do that, though, DO NOT let him back in!!! Please do listen to your gut. It’s been through this and it knows. YOU know! Don’t doubt yourself!!! And you DO need to look after your needs. That is a right, healthy thing to do. Please take good care of yourself. Let me know how things go for you…

  7. Faith says:

    I am an asshole magnet. I have always been one. I am recently married to a giant self absorbed, narcissistic child. He didn’t go to charm school, he owns the school. Also, he is lazy, sneaky, and can be an ultimate prick. He is husband number 3. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage. One boy who is 9. One daughter who is 14.
    Also, he is impotent. Owns nothing. Owes lots. Everything revolves around him and his truck, trailers, .He claims to be a genius. He never helps with house chores, he only pays 150 every 3 months for burglar bill. He’s a slob. He always has to mention he spends money on dinner/ usually pizza. We order water to drink. He makes me feel horrible and unloved. Every night he comes home from doing God only knows, and hogs the TV for hours. Then he turns lights on to go to bed. He wakes me up. Then he goes to sleep. I’m too pissed off to sleep.
    When I met him he made me feel alive and we fooled around a lot. He had to do a shot to get a boner. I hadn’t been with a man in 10 years so I was thrilled. That was 2 years ago!! He quit buying the boner shots. Truck tires and parts are more important. Not even any sex on honeymoon.Hes not interested in me just a place to live and be waited on. He says he loves me. He goes out of his way to show me he don’t.

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