He’s been being oh so nice ever since he forgave me. (post.)
I don’t care. I just feel kind of numb about it all. Like, whatever.
I really do wish that he would go away and leave me alone. No matter how nice he is being, it could change in a second and I would be “punched” again. I really am tired of this pattern. I find myself wondering what it will be next time.
And it’s almost like he’s being patronizing. Especially about the money. It’s almost like some grand show he is putting on. Which I guess it really is, since he obviously isn’t so nice after all.
I don’t like the way I live my life. I don’t like it that I feel like I have to hide so many things. I would much rather be able to be open and share my life. Or just not be in a position to have to hide so much.
It is sucking the life out of me. For quite a few years now, I have felt like he is sucking the life out of me. I used to feel that way a lot more – before I discovered what passive aggressive behavior is and before I learned about being codependent. Once I learned about detaching, he didn’t suck quite as much life out of me. But I am really feeling drained of life these days.
Oh, well. Maybe the end is in sight, even though it is still a long road to go.