strange evening

I don’t like coming home in the evenings and Friday evenings are especially hard.

On the way home on Fridays, sometimes I try to think of what happened in my day that I am willing to talk about.  I think about what I am going to do to make it through the week-end.  I think about whether I can be pleasant to him or if I need to just shut myself off from him.

Tonight as I was driving home, I was thinking that I had a good enough day that I could risk being pleasant.  (I know that sounds bizarre.  Sometime I will try to explain it.)  I was thinking that I could/would tell him about the one mean lady at work being mean to me today.  (It’s almost funny – her “meanness” was actually very passive aggressive!  She was mad today, and she got mad at me, too, even though I was trying to work with her, not against her.  And then a few minutes later, she had someone take down the live poinsettias left from our holiday party from around the reception desk because she didn’t want them there any more.   The reception desk is essentially my desk and I was enjoy the poinsettias.  I know it was a little control/spite kind of thing.  Oh, well.  On Monday, I will bring my own poinsettia to put on my desk and she shouldn’t be able to tell me to take it down.)

Anyhow, I thought I could tell him about this, not mentioning how passive aggressive it was, though.

When I got home, his truck was there and my daughter’s car was there.  And I could tell by looking at the windows that the light was off in our bedroom and the light was off in my daughter’s bedroom, but the light was on in the kitchen.  I figured he was in the kitchen and my daughter was taking a shower.

I got out of my van and a moment later, I see my daughter getting out of her car and running to see me.   My younger daughter and my older daughter call and talk to each other on Friday nights and my younger daughter sits in her car to talk so she won’t have to worry about him hearing her.   We went into the house and talked for a bit.  Then she went back out to call her sister again and talk some more.

So then, I guessed my husband was in the shower, which would explain the light being off in our bedroom.

But, no.  Empty bathroom.  Empty bedroom.

I looked to see if there was a text from him saying that he had to take his mom or dad to the hospital.  Nope.

Oh, well.

Then I checked my email.

He had sent me an email:


I’m spending the night away to study, fast, pray and meditate. For the church and for our marriage.

I’ll be home about 10 in the morning.

I hope you have a nice evening and that you sleep well tonight.

I love you,

P.S. Here is a link to to a blog post that Walter linked to on facebook.

My first thought was – yipee!  I get the bed to myself!!!

Then I thought, is he going to leave me before I leave him?

And then, why didn’t you just tell me – why send me an email?    (You all know the answer – because this is a very passive aggressive way to handle it!!!)

So, yeah.  Whatever.

I’m guessing – although I could be wrong – that he is spending the night in the “fort” he built for my nieces and nephews.  (See post.)  Ha!  It is COLD tonight and it won’t be very warm out there if that is where he is!!!

And the link – I think about the wife in that story.  I think about what she must have endured, what she must have taken into herself to protect her son from her marriage, what she went through that left her with cancer.  It’s interesting, too.  The man that my husband mentions who posted the story – his wife died of cancer.  She was a very good friend of mine and I know she really struggled in her marriage.  I also know that she told another friend of ours that when she found out she had cancer, she refused to fight it because she saw the cancer and death as a way out of her marriage.  I have often wanted to write about that on my blog, but I never have found the right way to do it.

Anyhow, I’m just rambling on and on this evening.  I usually try to make posts not too long, so you don’t get tired of reading them before I’m done!

I still am not sure what to think of his email.

Oh, well.   At least I have the bed to myself tonight.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to strange evening

  1. rougedmount says:

    enjoy the peace of being alone and don’t over analyze anything and take it away… think about things tomorrow

  2. rosered says:

    The blog post your husband gave you the link to? Weird. What do you think your husband is trying to tell you? That he has cancer and you should carry him around?

  3. Fern says:

    Ugh, that story (the linked blog post). I just read it, and promptly vomited in my mouth a little. How cliche and mawkish can you get??? And that’s coming from me, a breast cancer survivor. Really, just yuck. AND weird.

    In any case relish and luxuriate in your precious night alone, lucky lucky you :-D

  4. My almost-ex informed me he was moving out *by email.* Passive-aggressives aren’t known for their ability to handle confrontation. Maybe he’ll leave you before you leave him; it could be a blessing in disguise. Especially when you promptly serve him with divorce papers.

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