The past few days I have been feeling especially lonely and empty. I don’t know why.
“I used to think I knew everything. I was a ‘smart person’ who ‘got things done,’ and because of that, the higher I climbed, the more I could look down and scoff at what seemed silly or simple, even religion. But I realized something as I drove home that night: that I am neither better nor smarter, only luckier. And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain-no matter how smart or accomplished – they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking, too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.”
― Mitch Albom
I realize that I often don’t accept that I need comfort and love. Not want comfort and love – NEED comfort and love.
I want peace, too. So desperately, I want peace. For years and years, I have wanted peace. I have been very aware of wanting peace, whereas I have denied to myself that I need love and comfort.
Even before I read David’s post, I have often thought about my need for love. I wonder why I deny my need for love, why I tell myself that I am asking too much, why I am so sure no one will ever truly love me, why I find myself surprised when someone shows even just friendly love towards me.
I’ve been more conscious recently of needing to feel comforted. I don’t know what comforts me, though. Sometimes, in bed at night, I curl up on my side in a ball and hug my extra pillow. I want to hold and be held. There is no touch in my life. Well, my daughter hugs me. But other than that, there is no comforting touch in my life. So often, I wish I was back with Gary, getting a massage. (See post.)
How do you find what you can’t even acknowledge that you need?