comfort, love, and a peaceful heart

The past few days I have been feeling especially lonely and empty.  I don’t know why.

This morning, I read this (see post) on Lead.Learn. Live.  It really struck me.

“I used to think I knew everything. I was a ‘smart person’ who ‘got things done,’ and because of that, the higher I climbed, the more I could look down and scoff at what seemed silly or simple, even religion. But I realized something as I drove home that night: that I am neither better nor smarter, only luckier. And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain-no matter how smart or accomplished – they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking, too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.”

― Mitch Albom

I realize that I often don’t accept that I need comfort and love.  Not want comfort and love – NEED comfort and love.

I want peace, too.  So desperately, I want peace.  For years and years, I have wanted peace.  I have been very aware of wanting peace, whereas I have denied to myself that I need love and comfort.

Even before I read David’s post, I have often thought about my need for love.  I wonder why I deny my need for love, why I tell myself that I am asking too much, why I am so sure no one will ever truly love me, why I find myself surprised when someone shows even just friendly love towards me.

I’ve been more conscious recently of needing to feel comforted.  I don’t know what comforts me, though.  Sometimes, in bed at night, I curl up on my side in a ball and hug my extra pillow.  I want to hold and be held.  There is no touch in my life.  Well, my daughter hugs me.  But other than that, there is no comforting touch in my life.  So often, I wish I was back with Gary, getting a massage.  (See post.)

How do you find what you can’t even acknowledge that you need?

This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to comfort, love, and a peaceful heart

  1. Sofia Leo says:

    The first step is to realize there’s something missing – so many of us go through life not really understanding that there’s a hole in our soul. The fact that you know there’s something missing AND you’re able to recognize what it is, well, that’s a huge step in the right direction. Next step? Finding a way to bring it into your life.

  2. Kim says:

    we live in a world of confusion and mixed messages, no matter our life experiences. The only power we have is choice, RIGHT? Or WRONG? Either way if not founded in selflessness, it becomes void- WE are not GOD – the devil is tricky and works over time manipulating good hearted people that are confused. Personal experience — Looks good, seems like the right thing. Feels like the right thing. Bible speaks of this life as being correct. So why the void still?

    Peace- joy and wholeness can never be accomplished by man or women’s :) work alone.

    Twisty to say the least!!! WE can’t DO IT!!!!!!!! That’s the secret and the hard part—- It is only when we FALL! Give up! And lay all the confusion at our cross roads, ( the cross) can we Alter our life, sacrifice our will, and live willingly,and right with GOD, That is the only way— is to get out of our way—- and accept!!!!!! Accept GOD — accept– love!

    Two choices in life _____ Accept or reject

    It is the easiest yet the most difficult thing for humans to understand
    Love is not deserving, or it can’t be controlled, or earned– it is a gift— just go ahead and accept it!!!! Jesus died as an example in the flesh, so that we can better understand what we have got to do spiritually, Still very painful—— betrayal, mockery, all that yukky stuff. We our his mirror, we give him our body– and he gives us his spirit—- then we are whole.

    We are all so confused trying to make and gain an identity for our selfs, we are blind to the awesome truth!!!!!!! That is why God allows bad , it is the only thing that will take us to our knees. Leaning on him only, not other people —–

  3. wifeofpa says:

    The best place to start is to write down what you don’t want and through that, you will find what you do want: ex: “I don’t like getting yelled at” – contrary of that would be “I want to be spoken to in respectful way”, etc…. Works for pretty much anything :) good luck.

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