Monday morning lying…

Tomorrow, it will be Monday morning.

I will sit at my desk, thankful to be there, as everyone comes in to work.  Most of them will say hi to me.  The one who used to wink at me may even wink at me.   And some of them will ask me if I had a good week-end.

I will smile and I will lie.  I will say, yes, thank you, I had a good week-end, and how was yours?

I won’t tell them how much I cried.   I won’t tell them about my suicidal thoughts.  I won’t tell them about the two boxes of cookies I ate.  I won’t tell them how furious I got at my husband when he turned off the wireless internet access so my daughter couldn’t use the internet when he wanted all of the internet signal.  I won’t tell them how trapped I feel in my situation.  I won’t tell them my deepest desires for love and sex and more love.  And more sex.

I will lie and tell them I had a good week-end.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Monday morning lying…

  1. I’m sorry you cried a lot this weekend. I hope that it was somehow cathartic and that your tears bring about positive change in your life. Hugs!

  2. Married...but Lonely says:

    Must be something in the air…my husband was gone all week on a business trip, got home Friday evening, and was asleep by 9:30….Saturday he told me to go shopping, have some “me” time… he’d stay home with our boys….spending quality time with them….oh how sweet of him…I came home 3 hours later, he was taking a nap!
    I got upset with that, because the whole idea was for him to spend time with our youngest son…HA!! Then he couldn’t understand why I was upset and he told me I was evil…or my attitude was…whatever!
    All we’ve done today is fight…what a crappy weekend! He blames me for never being happy, that he can’t do anything right in my eyes, etc….you know how it goes!
    I TRIED talking calmly to him tonight….got me NO WHERE! I’m the internal optimist, always hoping that somehow something I’ll say will penetrate his PA brain! But nope!
    He stayed upstairs, being the “good” dad, while “crazy” mom stayed downstairs!
    I’m a loser…a big ole loser…because HOW can I love a man who treats me this way, over and over again?
    PAA…STOP thinking about suicide….please? Your daughters need you…their “dad” would NEVER be there for them if anything happened to you!
    Don’t let him do this to you! I’m trying to distance myself from my husband at this point…he loves me, but NOT in the way I need! His is a selfish love, based on what I will do for him, if he’s nice to me!
    I can’t go anywhere right now…my youngest son doesn’t need the stress of parents who have separated or divorced….but one day…yes, one day I will be free! Same for you, PAA!
    These men are sick in the head….and nothing we can say or do will change that. Take care of yourself and your daughter!! Ignore him!
    When he pulls a stunt like he did with the internet, leave the house with you daughter…let him see it isn’t going to bother you, because you won’t be there!
    When my husband said I was “evil” it’s while we were taking a walk…we do that for exercise….and then he said “Can’t we EVER walk without you ragging on me about something??”
    So guess what? Tomorrow, I will walk while he’s at work….he won’t have to put up with me OR my nagging him anymore!

  3. mixedemotions says:

    yes there’s definetely something in the air… I cried part of the weekend too mostly because I’m unhappy and the weekends stress me out, I don’t want to be there at home waiting for the s**t to hit the fan because I know it might. Waiting for the smokescreen to clear and see the real PA man I am married to. Same here, “one day” I won’t be there and that’s what I’m holding on right now, imagining myself somewhere else with my boys and happy, no longer waiting for something bad to set him off, just peace from all the turmoil I’m currently living in and in silence. I feel depressed a lot lately, not sure if it’s this extra long Winter or because of my internal struggle. I hope you feel better soon dear blogger, we can’t live like this forever, if there’s one thing I know for sure, change is the only garantee in life.

  4. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so bad… *sends mental hugs your way*
    How are the departure plans coming along?

  5. jerem6 says:

    Hey this should help you. . . (And I’m not just saying this to promote my blog, I really think it can help you, friend)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s