Waiting for emotions to pass…

Recently I read this on The Snowball Effect:

“Emotions are temporary.  They do pass.  Ride the wave of emotions without reacting at all.  You will, without a doubt, make a wiser decision about how to handle the situation.” ~Kristin Barton Cuthriell

The thought  that emotions are temporary and that emotions do not define me has come up a number of times in things that I have read recently.  So I have been thinking about this.

So often, like way too much, I feel like all I am doing in my life is waiting for the emotion to pass.

Waiting for the sadness, the pain, the anger, the frustration, the fear, the whatever, to pass.

There is rarely happiness and it goes away pretty quickly, so that one isn’t really an issue.  I do try to relish in the happiness when it happens.  But it doesn’t last long.

So if all I am doing in my life is riding waves of emotion, waiting for them to go away, what is my life?  Where is my life?  Yes, I understand not making decisions based on emotion.  That makes sense.  For years I have made it a practice to never make decisions, even as “simple” as buying a pair of shoes, when I am “hormonally challenged.”  I’ve learned that it never goes well.

But I struggle the other three weeks of the month, too.  How do I get beyond this?  How do I feel alive rather than just waiting for some feeling to pass?  Is this making any sense?

Yes, I try to deal with the emotions.  I think about where in my past they come from.  I write them out to help release them.  I give myself permission to cry and I try to say comforting things to myself to get past the overwhelming emotion, whichever one it may be.

But how do I get to a more even place, where I don’t always feel like I am battling emotion?  Where I actually feel alive?

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6 Responses to Waiting for emotions to pass…

  1. I did an 8-month segment of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (family skills version) and this concept is core to DBT. Essentially, you stop revisiting whatever triggered your emotions. When something happens that elicits an emotion, you stay in that moment, deal with whatever the situation is (in DBT, very specific skills were taught) and then *move on.* Do not keep thinking about, venting about, or analyzing the situation. Deal with who’s in the room, deal with what’s in front of you, now. Mindfulness. It’s incredibly hard to practice, but it does work.

    • Judy says:

      it is hard to stop revisiting whatever triggered your emotion because the p.a. partner is all about manipulating you through triggering your emotion, and “moving on” is something they try very hard to stop you from doing. Total emotional detachment from your partner has to be achieved first, and that is not how marriage should be. But, I do agree totally with what you have written.

  2. I’m just so impressed with your willingness to experience your emotions! I am sorry things are the way they are…but I also know its ok to be sad, anguished, etc. Most peole abandon us when we are like that, when we need them most. Or they try to “fix” us. The truth is, passive men do cause pain. And immature, PA men aren’t capable of true intimacy. They also destroy trust by lying, withholding, hiding, evading, blaming, punishing, and being basically $&@”tards.

    So, yeah, I’m in pain.

  3. mixedemotions says:

    the thing about emotions when you live with a PA is that at some point, you forget to think and make decisions for yourself, you wait until you’re “strong” enough to do it, strong enough to allow yourself to feel the emotions whether they are bad or good. I have cried tears of pain when I have been joyful because I know they are temporary, I have cried tears of joy when I’ve been in pain, because I know it’s only temporary pain. One day, I hope I can be strong enough to leave this relationship so that I can stop merely existing going from one emotions to another, going from one fight to another, going one day to another and still feel stuck in the same damn vortex as the day or the minute before. I will finally allow myself to live but it’s hard, I know, it will take work but it’s doable. And that makes me happy even if it’s a temporary wave.

  4. Suzanne says:

    leaving these disfunctional marriages takes a lot of courage as by the time we actually realize what’s happening to us has been a slow brainwash, it takes time to undo all the patterns that got us here in the first place,,there is a light at the end of this tunnel, its called “living” life not merely existing from one day to the next..sending love and healing light to all the sisters going thru same, sending u courage and strength to find ur light and know u r not alone on this journey!

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