So, how was your Mother’s Day?
Mine was fine, from a mother/daughter perspective.
I called my mom and talked (or rather, mostly listened) to her for awhile. The office she works for had moved into a new building this week so there was a lot going on for her. I had already ordered a gift for her, which I know she will like, but it was out of stock and will ship in a couple of weeks. I didn’t get a card sent – sending her cards is always hard for me, given our rocky past – but I did a blog post, written to her, on my garden blog. I thought it was rather special.
My older daughter and I talked on the phone for awhile. School is out for her for the summer. She wants to work more hours than she is now at her part time job and maybe she’ll look for a second part time job. She has some plans for her time now that school isn’t taking so much of it.
My younger daughter made me the most adorable little “diorama” in globe-shaped tea-light, or votive, holder. It is a bridge between two boulders with water running under it. Of course, the whole thing is less than 2″ x 2″ and it is adorable. She wanted to help me wash the dishes, but she was afraid “he” would come home while we were washing dishes. But we will go to movie together tomorrow night.
I am content with this Mother’s Day.
On the other hand, I was told that my family is cold and distant and so I didn’t teach my daughters to come running to see their daddy when he came home from work. Oh, but he loves me and wants to show me love, but I won’t let him touch me. And he needs sex. He feels like it is pointless to try to earn more money because no matter what he does, it is not good enough for me. And he will never do everything that I want him to. I am just unhappy and I don’t want to be happy. Oh, and I waste too much money. Let’s see… did I leave anything out? Probably. After awhile, my brain just shuts down.
Oh, I remember something else he said. He asked me if he could do anything for me. I told him that I didn’t want to tell him and that he wouldn’t do it even if I did tell.
He said, you want me to move out and that will make everything all better.
I told him, no, it wouldn’t make everything all better, but it would give my daughter breathing room. Then he went on this tirade – only he wasn’t yelling or anything – about how he didn’t have to put the oil in her car last week. He could have just left it and let the engine seize up and then it would have been his fault. He doesn’t think he is a bad father at all. He said he works hard to support the family. I’m just hard-hearted.
You know, even though I can’t remember everything he said, I do definitely remember the feeling of having the life sucked out of me.
I listened to a message yesterday about being humble, about using discernment to diffuse volatile situations. So today I was so calm and so humble when I listened to him. I was patient and compassionate.
He wasn’t compassionate at all.
After he left, I felt so absolutely drained. I just cried and cried. Why does it take so much out of me to be giving to him?
At least, it was nice to talk with my mom and my daughters today.
And I enjoyed working in my garden today.