how do you cope?

So, what are your coping mechanisms?

What do you do to survive?

How do you keep from going over the edge?

How do you make it through one more day, one more minute?

What keeps you from losing it altogether?

I’d love to hear from you…

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to how do you cope?

  1. This really made me think… I write, I breathe.

  2. How do I cope? How do I make it one more day? I was thinking about this question since yesterday. Last week, I had the worse time. It wasn’t due to any particular event. I’m not sure if it was because there is no one in my life that really understand or because I felt so alone. It was rough, i’m sure I cried or was on the verge of crying most of the week. I have been trying to be content in the place that I am in now. Its not ignoring the problem, I had just ran out of things to try, things to say and I didn’t even know what to pray for anymore. A friend invited me to a prayer group. The lady there teaching on prayer said to close your eyes and focus on Jesus or a scripture and to just be there with no expections, no words, just think about Jesus and be still. There was worship music playing in the background. I did just that. I had nothing to lose, I already felt hopeless and lost. There was such a peace I felt that its hard to explain. I plan on continuing that, even if its for 5 or 10 minutes a day. Its all I have right now and its keeping me going.

  3. Sarah B. says:

    There are days when I feel like I have cracked all the way to the ground and I am just oozing anger and bitterness. There are other days when I feel pity that someone else could live their life so disconnected and so unaware. There are other days when I throw my hands up and start mapping out a view of my life one year from now….starting today.

    Overall, me still staying in this place is ignoring everything that is right and good…for me. I have two young children that deserve a happy mommy. As I say to myself every day, “Sarah, shit or get off the pot.” Wasting my life is always going to be a regret. We all have a finite amount of time.

    I don’t call this coping. I genuinely believe this is just another form of suffocation. I didn’t even know it was happening until I hit the bottom. it’s incredible what depression and anxiety can do.

  4. givemeaboxofchocolates says:

    I love that question, and hope others reply, because it seems coping skills must be key in living with a passive aggressive spouse. I was a workaholic for years and that is how I did my coping. I also spent many years very sad, and in bed, when not working. I often had little energy to cope. Somehow, I kept going, and today I am stronger. Recently, I am coping by spending as little time with pa husband as possible. I plan ahead, so that I am not subjected to the craziness. Seems sad, but I have found it to be empowering. I drive separately as much as possible. I’ve moved into the guest room, for the most part. I’ve made no big deal about it, and ha, no one seems to have noticed (kids) including my pa husband! There are moments I find it sad that he doesn’t even miss me, but then I remind myself that he is incapable of loving, and I can be happy anyway. I know this may sound a bit sick, but I tell myself over and over again “Thank you Jesus that I am divorced from him and I am free.” Technically, we are not divorced and live in the same house, but I’ve worked on this marriage for close to 20 years, and now I am accepting the fact I simply do not have a traditional marriage. So, I am divorcing myself of my marriage and accepting the reality. He has run away from me the moment we said “I do”, and so now I’m letting him run. Sometimes it is helpful to reread my favorite self-help books: “Living with the Passive Aggressive Man” by Scott Wetzler, and “Please Don’t Say You Need Me” by Jan Silvious. And, going to a Counselor occasionally for what I call “tune-ups” helps. I am a born-again believer, and leaning on my faith has been my greatest comfort.

  5. needtomakeachange says:

    Coping day to day is difficult with a pa man, depends on their mood …. if it’s a good day, then things seem to go smoothly then there’s no coping but there’s a bit of hold back for the time when the shoe will drop and the mood shifts to the pa behaviours…. those are harder times and coping is more difficult but I manage by doing something for myself (read a book, watch a show, go for a walk) anything that gives me a little love from me to me. I also remind myself that he is self destructive, not me. I used to use food as a coping mecanism, but I realized after gaining an enormous amount of weight that it was self destructive and I changed my ways (Thank Goodness).

  6. marsocmom says:

    I also spend as little time with the pah as possible. When we are together, I don’t tell him anything about me, and I never ask him to do anything. I just listen and nod my head. That’s pretty much become my coping mechanism. Then, I go to work and have normal relationships with my coworkers and customers. That helps a lot. I help out at church, though it’s hard to go alone, and I feel like I am contributing something meaningful. That’s what helps the most to remind me that I am worth getting to know and worth listening to.

    Now that I can put a name to the craziness, I know we will never have a normal relationship and I have stopped expecting things to get better. I don’t sleep in the same room anymore – if he wants me back he has to make the first move, and he hasn’t even seemed to notice. I find my own things to do, spend time with my kids, and when he starts to do the woe is me dance, I tune out. I refuse to let him get to me anymore. I plan and do fun things just for me, and the girls. My life does not revolve around him, he is just another child to take care of, a spoiled child I have no power to correct or instruct. No matter how annoying that is, it’s livable just understanding that I don’t really need him for anything.

  7. mourninglight says:

    Not sure how I missed this post, but it’s a great topic. I’m not sure that what I’ve done qualifies as coping… maybe survival? In past years it’s included depression, emotional disconnect, sleeping pills, comfort eating, wine, smoking, and computer games; all have been some of my not great coping mechanisms.

    The positive have been my kids, jobs in the past, girl friends, hobbies, music, and reading. Some of those were seriously sabotaged, which would then cause me to revert to some of the unhealthy coping mentioned above.

    I fight to become healthier and believe that I can live differently.

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