Friday night…

On Thursday, he sent me a text saying:

You are cordially invited to join me on the rooftop for dinner tomorrow night at quarter past seven.  The favor of a reply is requested.

If you have seen the movie “Kate and Leopold,” you will recognize this.

I texted back and said, Accepted.  Thank you.

Friday night, I came home from work expecting to see the table set and smell dinner in the oven, on the stove, on the grill, something.

His truck was in the driveway, but I couldn’t find him anywhere and there was no sign whatsoever of dinner.

Then I had a thought – what if he is planning to serve me dinner in “the fort”?

I think I may have written about the fort before.  This is a two-story structure that he has built out in the woods.  (We have about 4 acres of trees.)  I think he started it as a place for the nieces and nephews to play when they came to visit, but it has since become more of a man-cave type of thing for him.

Part of me has no problem with him building “the fort.”  Everyone needs a hobby, an outlet.  But part of me resents him spending time and money on this building when the house needs so much work.

But whatever.  Back to dinner.

About fifteen minutes after I got home, he came into the house and apologized for being late.  And my suspicions were confirmed – dinner was to be served in the fort.

I told him that I didn’t want to eat dinner at the fort and could we please eat dinner at the table under the tree.

He asked, why.

Let me tell you why.

After we moved here, we got a pony for our daughters.  We loved that pony.  We had her for a few years and then one day she got hurt.  She didn’t heal and a month later, we had to have her put down.  That was the most horrible month of my life.  Even now, years later, I feel extremely emotional writing this.

Anyhow, the place that she was put down and is buried is about ten feet from where my husband later decided to build the fort.  I hate going out there because it is where Melody is buried.

I told him why and he brought the dinner to the table under the tree.

In the mean time, my daughter is tired and hungry.  Since I didn’t see any dinner when I came home, I didn’t know if there was dinner.  I told her I didn’t know about dinner, but if there wasn’t dinner for her, I would make her some.  After seeing him, I asked him if he made dinner for our daughter.  He said she wasn’t home when he was making dinner so he didn’t make dinner for her, but there was enough for her.

I took her dinner to her and went out to have dinner with my husband.  Not too much later, I heard her crying in her room, so I left my dinner and went to her.

She was upset about being so angry and unforgiving (mostly towards him), believing that if you don’t forgive, you won’t be forgiven.  And she feels she can’t forgive and therefore won’t be forgiven.  And therefore is screwed.

I spent the rest of the evening with her, talking with her, helping her to calm down and be a tiny bit more peaceful.

Finally, I took my shower and went to bed.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Friday night…

  1. mourninglight says:

    I understand why you might want to simultaneously be understanding and accepting of his fort, while also feeling it’s more of a priority to him than than your well being if he would have invested his time and resources into your home environment. That reflects your loving, honest, and fair nature. I think that caring for you would make your environment a higher priority to him. At least this is how I imagine a loving husband would behave.

    A thought that might help your daughter… Has she read any good book on Boundaries? A huge first step for me in forgiveness is to accept who someone is, take stock of how they have or could hurt me, then let go of expectations for them to be different. Not that who he is has to be okay, ust accepted as real and not changing.

    It’s tough when she’s too young to have any safe distance yet. Tough for us too.

    I read and reread your post. My stomach clenched, so I blogged about it.

  2. Pingback: The same man | my life in pajamas

  3. thenarcissistwrites says:

    Uh… is this something that happens often? Jeez.

  4. choosetobehappy says:

    poor little thing…. my heart goes out to her, my kids have been ignored by my pah many many times, I have found them crying and wondering if he even cared about them and having to tell them that he wasn’t upset with them but with me, we all know that’s a lie because they will ignore whomever they choose whether they are angry or upset or mad against that person or not. It’s just what they do to just plain control things in the house.

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