sex tonight – the rest of the story

(See previous post.)

Friday morning, after I got to work, I texted him, suggesting what I could make for dinner.  Recently, he has been making dinner on Friday nights fairly often.  But this Friday morning,  he had been kind of moody and he didn’t say anything about making dinner Friday night.

I didn’t want to get home after work and have no dinner, so I took the initiative to bring up dinner.

He didn’t reply to my text.

Finally, around noon, he replied:

Really I just need sex.  What can I do for us to be able to make love tonight?

My initial reaction was, you can love me.

But I didn’t say that.

Then I started shaking and feeling sick to my stomach.  I felt that way for most of the rest of the day.

But it was strange.  Sometimes I would completely forget the text conversation had ever taken place.  Completely.

I really wrestled with what to say, what to do.

I really, like really, did not want to have sex with him.  But I also felt sorry for him.

And I felt guilty.

Finally, late in the afternoon, I texted him:


I dreaded going home.  But I went home and made dinner.  He was very talkative and cheerful.

Me –  not so much.

Finally I took my shower, dreading what was coming.

I had planned how I could handle it.

First, nothing lasts forever, so it would end.  I could hold onto that thought.

There were cookies under my bed.  I could eat cookies all day Saturday to stuff the wretched feelings.

I could go sleep on the couch when he was done.

I could get through this.

When I finished my shower and went out of the bathroom, he was in bed, lying flat on his back, completely covered up, with his eyes closed.

Not what I expected.

I turned off the light and got into bed.

He didn’t move.

He didn’t say anything.

Nothing at all.

Absolutely nothing.

A few minutes later, I could tell he was asleep!

I was SO happy!  You can image my relief!!!

Finally, I went to sleep, too.

I thought maybe he would try for some Saturday morning, but he didn’t speak to me all morning.

The Silent Treatment.

That’s okay.  I didn’t mind.

(Well, mostly I didn’t mind.  But it is a stressful way to live.

He said nothing about sex at all all day Saturday.  And nothing all day today (Sunday) about it either.

And now you know … the rest of the story.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to sex tonight – the rest of the story

  1. wornout says:

    I’m glad it worked out in your favor. :) I do not understand these guys! Why did he ask and then go to sleep and then the silent treatment. Aaahhhhh, these guys are madening! I’ve been married to my PA guy for almost 19 years and it still baffles me at the way these PAs operate. I honesty don’t know how we are all surviving having to deal with these crazy guys! I’m proud of all of us :)

  2. Seeing the Light says:

    I’m so glad for you. What a relief indeed! I wonder if he just chickened out or if it was enough for him to make you uncomfortable all day at the anticipation. Who can tell? My PA man and I are in separate beds the last few years and I couldn’t handle it any other way. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I would lose it if I had to let him touch me so I feel for you.

    • Who knows what his game was. The past few times I’ve had sex with him, I have seriously considered going into the kitchen, getting a knife and slitting my wrists. It is only by concentrating very hard on my daughters that I have kept from doing that.

      • wornout says:

        Oh my gosh, I completely understand feeling this way.

      • Seeing the Light says:

        Please, please take care of yourself. I understand this, too, and if that is the effect it has on you, then you don’t have to do it.

      • lonelywife07 says:

        Dear Writing….seriously, if you are thinking like that…GET OUT!! If your mental health is so messed up…leave! Work two or three jobs….just go! Take your daughter and go!!
        You really do need to read The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick…and stop feeling ANY guilt over not wanting sex with him…it’s a want that he has, NOT a need, BUT you NEED to feel emotionally safe and loved….and he doesn’t care, now does he?

      • Amen to what lonelywife said, it is okay to get out to save your sanity and your life! I am starting the book and have seen Leslie Vernick’s videos. She is worth the time to listen.

  3. givemeaboxofchocolates says:

    Okay, when you were saying he was laying there, I thought you were going to say he died. Oh my gosh, I’m not joking. I’m glad all is well, so to speak. I don’t get it either…their manipulating ways and the stress you go through is not right. There has got to be some hope in all this. My life with a PA husband is very up and down. Currently, things are peaceful. Hoping peace for you!

  4. marsocmom says:

    What bizarre behavior…oh wait, that’s the only thing we CAN expect from them. I understand your relief!! And the silent treatment on top of it all, as if it’s your fault…little do they know that the silent treatment can also be a welcome relief! If he tries it again, it might be fun to play a little game with him and insist that you are excited and can’t wait, just to keep him from having the pleasure of seeing you so stressed out. It might backfire, though, but if it worked it could be great fun.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s