He gave me grocery money.
He made dinner.
He brought in the groceries when I came home.
He bought a fan book for me that he thought I would like about my favorite TV show.
He offered to put liniment on my sore ankle for me?
Why can’t this be enough?
I was asking myself this – why can’t this be enough – when the following took place.
A little background….
He signed up for a free trial of Amazon Prime because he wanted to watch a movie for free.
I have wanted to buy “The Grief Recovery Handbook” for my older daughter. (I already gave a copy to my younger daughter.)
Since he had free shipping with Amazon Prime, I asked him to order the book for me.
My older daughter, who lives in another state, will be here tomorrow and the book arrived today. This is exactly what I wanted to happen – I could give it to her while she was here and I wouldn’t have to pay to ship it to her. (Not that that would be terrible, but if I can save a few dollars….)
Only the book arrived bent, creased. Since it is supposed to be a new book that we are paying for from Amazon, I would expect that it would look like a new book and not a tattered used book.
I asked him if we could order another copy tonight – the idea being that the book would arrive in 2 – 3 days and I could still give it to my daughter before she went home. And then we could return the creased book in a separate transaction.
Well, he did the paperwork with Amazon for me to ship back the creased book.
But he didn’t order a new book from Amazon using Amazon Prime, where we would get free 2 day shipping.
He ordered a new book from another seller on Amazon – and not the 2-day shipping.
While I was trying to explain what I wanted, because obviously he had not understood what I wanted the first time I said it, he pushed the “buy” button so it didn’t really matter what I was trying to explain to him.
Okay – so maybe the book will get here in time. Maybe it will be in lovely condition. Maybe everything will all work out fine and dandy.
But, in the meantime, I am left feeling “not heard” by my husband, left feeling crazy that I would want to be heard.
And that is why the kind actions are not enough.
There isn’t the heart behind the actions to hear and understand and give what I am asking for.