Recently, through some of my readers, I have become aware of the website “A Cry for Justice.”
Whenever I read things posted on that site, I start feeling really shaky and really scared and almost tearful. I don’t know why and I can’t really describe it.
While the title of my blog is “Passive Aggressive Abuse,” I often feel it isn’t fair to compare what I go through to those in truly horrible abusive situations – physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse and much stronger emotional abuse.
And yet when I read the emotional reactions and thought processes of women in abusive situations, I realize that my emotions and thought processes are very similar.
It scares me that my responses are the same. I don’t know how to explain it.
I’m not sure what I am trying to say here. Maybe I’m just trying to sort out my thoughts.
I really, really, really appreciate the definition of abuse that is given on “A Cry for Justice“:
Very few people know what abuse really is, though everyone seems quite ready to give advice to its victims. If you believe that abuse is physical battering, you have some learning to do.
Abuse is fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself* as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control. The abuser is not hampered in these efforts by the pangs of a healthy conscience and indeed often lacks a conscience.
While this mentality of power and control often expresses itself in various forms of physical abuse, it just as frequently employs tactics of verbal, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual abuse. Thus, an abuser may never actually lay a hand on his wife and yet be very actively terrorizing her in incredibly damaging ways.
Abuse in any of its forms destroys the victim’s person. Abuse, in the end, is murder.
* Sometimes the genders are reversed.
And I find that the “Abuse Cycle” chart, again on “A Cry for Justice,” often fits with passive aggressive behavior as well.