later that evening…

So my previous post was about Sunday afternoon.

Sunday evening, well, Sunday night, as I was getting ready for bed, I checked my email.

He had sent me an email with the subject, “an interesting article.”  And the only thing in the email was a link to this article: “What ‘War Brides’ of the Greatest Generation knew about Marriage.”

(By the way, I had seen and read the article all on my own the day before.)

I ignored the email and went to bed.

About half an hour later, I was almost asleep when he put his hand on my waist and said…

….

….

“Will you make love with me?”

I was quiet for a long time and then I replied, “Having sex tears me up.”  *

Next he said, “How about if we just kiss and cuddle?”  **

Again, I was quiet and then I said, “Did you hear anything I said this afternoon?”

He said, yes.

Then he said, sometimes I want sex so bad I can hardly stand it.

Fine, I said.  Stick your penis in me and use my body.  I don’t care.

He said that wasn’t what he wanted.

I told him, yes, that was what he was asking for.

He said he just telling me.

Thankfully, oh, so thankfully, that was the end of it and he went to sleep.

*   In case you don’t know, I started crying after sex almost every single time we had sex after about ten years of marriage.  So that means sex has made cry for over fifteen years now.   That doesn’t seem to bother him.

**  Okay, this may be TMI, but while I felt nauseous about having sex with him, I felt absolutely revolted by the thought of kissing and cuddling.  I can detach, to a certain degree, if he is just in me.   But kissing and touching I can’t detach from in the same way.