good enough to keep

I received this email from my sister yesterday; she is two years younger than I am.

Last night we were watching a MacGuiver episode and something really stood out to me.  I don’t know if you have watched much MacGuiver, but there is a zaney character in there named Jack Dalton.  He was talking about never knowing his parents.  His dad was killed in WWII shortly after Jack was born, and his mom gave him up for adoption.  (Later in the show we learned that his mom was 17 and so overcome with grief that she couldn’t even take care of herself, let alone her baby/toddler.)  But it was Jack’s comment that really struck me.  He said, “I wasn’t good enough to keep.”

In the Captivating book she talks about the wounds we have received and the messages that go along with those wounds.  You and I know  and understand full well that when we were little Mom was too sick to take care of us, and that’s why we were given to other people to take care of us, but our hearts received a different message.  That message may have been that we were “not good enough to keep.”   All our lives we have struggled with not being “good enough”.   Maybe that’s where it began for us, and then because our little girl hearts had internalized that message, each negative thing that happened to us seemed to be in agreement and support of that.  Maybe that is why we have gone through our lives waiting for the other shoe to fall, waiting for and fearing the next bad thing that will happen, because we are not “good enough” for it to not happen.

Maybe that is why it has been so hard for us to feel worthy of love and to receive love, whether from God or from others.  But I think that if we could truly hear from God on this, that He would tell us that we ARE good enough to keep, and that we are worth fighting for, and that that is what He is doing.  He is fighting for our hearts because He treasures us so much.  The “not good enough to keep” message is a lie from the Enemy.  I pray that He will free our hearts from it!

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This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to good enough to keep

  1. marriedwithouthusband says:

    What an apt way to put it: “Not good enough to keep.” I feel that way about myself. I was the baby after whose birth my mother descended into postpartum depression, and another family (very kindly) took care of me for several weeks because my father was overwhelmed. I was the teenager who developed an eating disorder and then my mother said I’d done it on purpose to mess up the family. And I am the wife whose husband withdrew from, because, among other excuses, he “could barely take care of” himself. But now he takes care of his parents. Yep, not good enough to keep.

  2. “The “not good enough to keep” message is a lie from the Enemy.  I pray that He will free our hearts from it!”

    YES!!! I was freed from this lie the night Hyde sent me his divorce e-mail. In my heart there was suddenly knowledge that as God’s beloved child, I was worth everything. And I was worth SOOOOO much more than the indignity to which Hyde subjected me.

    I remember how many gushing tears I cried as I absorbed that information. I’d been raped and twice assaulted, unjustly maligned by my boss, raised in an abusive home where only perfection was worthy. I didn’t believe I was good enough to keep either, but God has ALWAYS thought so, that’s why He sent Jesus to die in our place. We are worth the priceless blood of Christ…that is amazing!

    Also amazing is my favorite scripture where Jesus prays for us.

    John 17:20-23

    20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me,that they may be one as we are one—23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

    This passage blew me away when I read it; Jesus prays for us to be IN Him! It isn’t just a one-way street where the Holy Spirit is in us, but we are also IN God! “…Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us…”

    That passage reminds me how all-encompassing and intimate God’s love is for us. He desires us to dwell in Him. Truly awesome.

  3. newshoes123 says:

    I got that message too from my own mother when she would choose her drink instead of taking care of us, I got that message when I felt like I looked nice as a teenager only to be told that I looked like my aunt and that it wasn’t a compliment, I got that message when as a teenager I was full of muscles but the boys saw me as a “fat” girl, I got that message too when my now stbexpah told me over and over he would leave me because I was “too much”….

    The thing is we have to choose to love ourselves first and forget that those message were received from wherever. It’s difficult to do because we are “taught” as children not to be selfish but in fact, we have to be!!! How else are we going to let anyone else love us for who we are. Who else is going to make us happy, or take care of us. It has to start with loving yourself first. If you do love yourself, you will feel like your worth it, and you will also realize that no one can be perfect, no matter how hard you try. But you can be the best version of yourself. And that is “good enough” for me :D

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