I’m still here

Hi.

I’m still here.

I’m still struggling.

I’m still stuck.

I’ve been going to the counselor and that is starting to help me, but I still have a long way to go.

One thing I talked to him about was wanting to be loved and how so often I try to deny that I actually do need to be loved.  He said I was created for love, designed to be loved.

I still struggle and wonder if that will ever be.

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This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I’m still here

  1. Do you think maybe that you had to deny your need for love in order to exist in the toxic marriage? I know I did. My husband sounds like yours, but he abandoned me before we reached any big anniversaries.

  2. WritesinPJ's says:

    The fact that you have a job, go to a gym, Toastmaster’s, blog, and now have a counselor, tells me you’re on a better path than you might see at the moment. I think good things might be nearer on that path than you think.

  3. paescapee says:

    Hang on in there, baby steps but in the right direction. You took a long time to get into this position, naturally it will take a while to dig yourself out.

  4. marsocmom says:

    I’m glad you posted! Know we all understand – hugs to you.

  5. Sarah B. says:

    I left about 6 weeks ago. I had been searching for a place for a while, but it was more difficult with 2 kids under 8 with me. I found a place, just took the plunge, and moved. It has been the most restful 6 weeks of my life. My kids are calmer. They are more playful. I am more playful. I am encouraged it only gets better from here on out.

    He hasn’t really spent much time with his kids since I left. I can count the days on less than one hand. I could care less. While I would like for him to actually WANT to spend time with them, I can’t force it and I don’t expect it. I have a new found respect for single mothers out there – this shit is hard, but worth it entirely. Life is worth it entirely. Loving myself enough to let it all go is worth it entirely.

    Everything in your own time. It’s all going to be ok. To tell you that you just need to leave is neither appropriate nor helpful. For one that stayed 12 years, I certainly wouldn’t be practicing what I preach. But I understand your hurt, your fears, your anxieties, and your pain. Completely. One thing that has become abundantly clear: we are so much stronger than we think. We just have to blindly jump sometimes. Trust your parachute. YOU are your parachute. You are enough.

  6. newshoes123 says:

    one thing at a time dear. Took me a while to get “unstuck” too, and i felt sorry for myself and i wanted to just dissapear but I made it through. You will too. Hang in there.

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