when you find him

by Skylar Liberty Rose

When you find him you will understand why you didn’t settle for the others that you found before. Why you couldn’t stay. Why they had to leave.

When you find him you will find that he does not complete you. Cannot fix you. Nor is he meant to. Instead he will add to the marvels that already exist inside you. The gifts that are yours and yours alone. He cannot give you what you are only meant to give yourself. Self worth. Self respect. Self honour.

When you find him you will see that he too is flawed. Human.

He will not balk at your brokenness. He will not fall apart when he sees your shattered pieces. Nor will he place you back together. But he will stand close to you whilst you pick up the parts that forgot their worth and wonder. He will offer silent support whilst you slowly gather the shards of your being and find a way to bring the splinters back, to want to welcome them once more.

When you find him you will want to cling to him when the dark hours descend around you, when the long nights tell their tales of hurt and hunger. You will see the changing expressions on his face as he at first tries to understand, then comforts, then stays in solidarity by your side.

When you find him you will see that what he brings to your world is not a love affair from any book you have read, rather a new chapter that you have not yet viewed nor knew existed.

The words will be as new to you as they are familiar and, even though you have never cast your eyes on them before, you will feel as though you have awaited their story all your life.

When you find him you will also find that the nagging, gnawing ache that you have known intermittently for as long as you can remember, tends not to plague you as often as it once did. It does not leave you entirely, but subsides to something that irks you only occasionally now.

You will know pain, loss, anger and hurt, just as you did before, yet when you find him you will find too that the biggest part of these strifes is less somehow, their glaring, daring terror is deflected somewhat by the shield that your unity brings.

You will sleep easier knowing that he is there next to you, knowing that underneath each of your casings lay two souls that found their way home, even when the road was long and so very lonely.

When you find him you will see that he is not The One, that there is no ‘one’, but that together you are two. With him you will find you have the freedom to be who you truly are and still he will hold the space for the person you may yet become.

He will love you upfront and coax you from a distance. He will stand up to your defiant ways and will not back down when your forceful fire is ignited. He has his own strong sense of identity that may more than match yours and he will probably achieve more with his calmer, quieter more consistent demeanour than you may with your somewhat chaotic, emotionally charged responses.

You will realise that the love you share is not neat and tidy or orderly and exact. Your love will be a glorious tangle of colour and craft and it may not always desire to remain smooth and calm. It will however remain true and though it’s naked honesty may shake at times, it shall not fall.

When you find him you will find your sounding board, your confidante, your creative cohort. When the gloss and shine fade away and the dullness revives itself once more, he will be there knowing that glitter and glitz were never what truly made you anyway.

In times of sorrow and hardship you will look down at your hands and see that they are entwined with his. The hands that will help guide you, support you, love you. He will let you draw on his strength when you need to and though he will not give you your own courage, he will stand by you as you seek out your own roar.

When you find him you will find your place of safety, your protective shade. He will be the drink that quenches your thirst, the darkness that soothes your eyes. He will invest in you without claiming victory for the return that may come. 

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This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to when you find him

  1. Perhaps i found him….but its temporary…

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