And I’m tired of being weary.
I’m tired of trying to figure things out.
Like the plants in the previous post.
Am I critical because all the plants were not brought in? If I brought it up to him, he would say something about that he does the best he can and I expect too much. And then I will start thinking I am crazy for wanting all the plants brought in.
Or the well water.
Should it be enough that I have well water, that I don’t have to carry water from a stream or something? Should it be enough that I have running water, hot and cold, and I shouldn’t care that it turns red from time to time because the well leaks? Should it be enough that it is relatively clean and doesn’t carry some deadly disease? (Well, at least as far as I know. This is the U.S. so I like to think not.) Should the leaking well and the red water not bother me?
These things make me weary.
It makes me weary that the floor sags, that the roof will always have a tarp.
It makes me weary (to say the least) that I want sex, that I want to make love, but I that I feel so undesirable because he doesn’t make love with me.
Oh, yeah, he’ll stick his penis in me, but that is not the same as making love. But I can’t even stand for him to touch me, so not sure how the whole making love thing would work out any way.
It all makes me weary to want and to not have and then to feel crazy for wanting a pretty home and a loving relationship.
Thanks again for listening to me vent.