he apologized

He said, I want to apologize to you.  I’m sorry I hurt you. Please, can’t you forgive me?

I’m still sleeping in the living room.

This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to he apologized

  1. I hate to say it, but how many times has he apologized after not giving a crap about your feelings? After 20 years of apologies has he ever stopped being abusive?

    Sorry does nothing toward repairing the damage he did to your psyche by forcing himself on you after you said no. His apology is set dressing for the “nice guy” play he wants you and the world to see and believe. He wasn’t sorry two nights ago when he sexually assaulted you, was he?

    I am righteously angry for you. This man has been the antithesis of what God designed a husband to be. He is supposed to strive to put you first, and treat your body with the same care he would give his own. Your body is yours given to you by God and it is a temple for the Holy Spirit. Your anti-husband defiles God’s House when he defiles you.

    This man sounds like poison. Poison kills from the inside.

    Please continue seeking a plan to separate. Your soul will have a chance to heal when you are not under his bondage.

    I hope you understand that everything I am saying comes from a place of love and concern for a sister in Christ. My understanding of the Word is that abuse is not tolerated by God. He gave us Christ to free us from oppression and heal the broken.

    • K says:

      Marriedtohyde said it very well.

    • Please also do not think I am criticizing you in any way. You are amazing for surviving in this environment. You do not realize your own strength.

      I am so afraid that my speaking so boldly may turn you off. Please hear the message that God wants so much better for you than this poisonous relationship. You are precious to Him and worth everything. You are valued beyond any treasure man can obtain. Watch and see that anti-husband tries to devalue you by his actions.

      My thoughts are with you.

    • I completely agree with all of marriedtohyde’s entire comment!

  2. Jane D. says:

    People can apologize and you can forgive them for bad behavior.

    It doesn’t mean that you trust them again in that area, or that you will put yourself in the position to let them harm you again. Boundaries are your friend.

  3. You can only say sorry so many times before it means nothing, at this point it really don’t mean anything at all. How many other times has he pushed himself on you or begged you to have sex with him? He knows how you feel what it dose to you how it makes you feel during and after. You have made this very clear to him many times. If he cared he wouldnt keep asking and trying. He work on truely trying to fix your relationship not just tryinging to push you into sex when he wants.

    When my ex did this kind of thing to me it hit me he does not care what so ever. If he see’s it as wrong to do to a stranger but dont think twice about me because im his wife its ok. Real men wouldn’t think of treating their wife in a way that they would not dream of treating a stranger. They would want to treat her better than a stranger they would want to make sure no one harmed her made her feel bad or scared muchless to make her feel that way theirself.

  4. You can “test” that apology. You could say “you say you’re sorry but that was sexual assault ” and then step back and watch him get all self righteous and indignant, wounded, offended, how could you think that, it was no such thing, don’t be so dramatic, stop exaggerating etc. and hey presto, before you know it, it will somehow be all your fault and he is, in actual fact, the real victim.

  5. I am sorry to be so outspoken on this post. Apparently I hear my anti in your anti’s words.

    He said, “Please can’t you forgive me?”

    That “can’t you” is manipulative language. It says “If you can’t forgive me then you are bad because, see, I am apologizing.” It is NOT the speech of a humbled person who feels ashamed at what he’s done.

    This is the kind of slippery talk that got me taking on all the blame and burden for the problems in the relationship. It is SO subtle, but it has an effect…like Chinese water torture.

  6. I completely believe this apology is for him, not you. He is apologizing because you left the bed. He wants you back in the bed. If an apology is one way to try to get you back there, he will deliver one. That’s it. I am hearing the events of the last few posts and remembering what he tried to lay on you with that whole “Love and Respect” book business a while back and oh! I am so angry on your behalf. Keep your guard up and protect that boundary!

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