This week, he said nothing at all about the conversation last Sunday morning. (See post.) It’s as if it never took place.
He has been washing dishes and making dinner, though.
However, as I told my counselor (yes, I am in therapy), him not washing dishes and not making dinner is not my complaint about the marriage. So, if he wants to wash dishes and make diner, he can. I don’t care one way or another.
Some might say that he is trying to show me love by doing these things.
I think that if he really wanted to be loving, he would go away and leave me alone.
And to those who feel sorry for my husband because I didn’t have sex with him when he was pushing himself on me (see post) …. what he did wasn’t about sex.
Sexual assault isn’t about sex. It is about power and control.
His mom was dying at the time (she died a few days after what he did to me) and I believe he felt very powerless and out of control about that. I believe he took it out on me because he had no other way to express his anger over the thought of losing his mom. None of what occurred that night and the next morning was about love.
If you reread that post, you will see that I did try to give a little to him. I scooted over closer to him. I did not want to, but I thought maybe it would comfort him a little.
I wasn’t “punishing” him by not having sex with him. I was setting a boundary for myself because I knew what he was asking of me was destructive to me.
And about sex and a woman’s “duty” to give her husband sex. I Cor. 7 says that is a two way street. Each should give to the other. And it is giving. Not demanding. Not taking.
So about me and sex – please read this post – “sexless marriage.”
Oh, and what I wrote in my previous post about the young man planning the birthday surprise for me and the other man saying I was hot and he had frat brothers who would be interested – that wasn’t about going outside the marriage, about having an affair.
For one thing, there is no marriage.
For another, I was simply trying to sooth my wounded soul with comforting thoughts that there are others who care or who would care about me.
Yes, it was a codependent thing to do. My counselor has been helping me see that my view of my worth needs to come from an internal belief of my intrinsic value and not be based on what anyone else thinks of me. But, being human, it still was nice to know that others think well of me even though my husband does not.
To my followers – thank you so much for your love and support. Your comments bring tears to my eyes. And to those who must criticize me – you are welcome to your opinion and I do allow it to be posted here. It is part of the conversation. I am sorry, though, that you are so wounded that you cannot show compassion. That is a sad thing indeed.