This is very difficult to write.

It’s been exactly one year since what happened.  (See post.)

I thought it would get easier.  I thought I would get over it.

But I haven’t.

It’s actually gotten worse.

I have very strong reactions to anything, no matter how minor, relating to violence against women and sexual assault, even if it portrayed as a humorous situation.  I start shaking and I feel sick and I just can’t handle the thoughts at all.  I think it must be kind of like PTSD.

I’m going to see another therapist.  She has experience working in a domestic violence shelter so maybe she will be able to help me with this in a way my other counselor wasn’t able to.  I sure hope so.  I need to heal from this, to stop feeling so dirty and wretched about it.



This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to PTSD

  1. GainingStrength says:

    My heart aches for you. Do you have a domestic violence shelter near you? They have advocates that you can sit and talk to or call up and talk to. There are domestic violence helplines you can call.

    Going in person would be my advice. The advocates are usually abuse survivors themselves. Classes and groups are great. Even if you say nothing, you are surrounded by other women who totally understand. You will find yourself nodding your head in agreement to what the other women are saying. You feel safe for the moment, you are validated, and you are heard.

    It’s a start. It’s a new beginning. This is about you. This time it is ALL ABOUT YOU. Take the step into the unknown and watch yourself become free.

    You will learn in abuse recovery, it gets a lot worse (for me it is emotions) before it gets better. Hang in there, don’t give up. You are a valuable person.

  2. K E Garland says:

    I hope that you’ll be able to begin a healing process.

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