“Dreams don’t turn to dust.”
Peace.
Love. Joy. Beauty.
A joyous, intimate relationship with a man who truly loves me.
Wonderful, amazing, fulfilling, over-the-top love-making.
A beautiful, beautiful house that doesn’t leak, sag, or smell bad.
Peace. Did I say that already?
"While it might be a mistake to give up on a relationship with a passive-aggressive man until all avenues for change have been explored, at some point, you must cut your losses. ..... To stay in a relationship that is harmful to you is not only pointless but self-destructive. This is one of the unfortunate costs of passive aggression: conflicts all too quickly escalate to the point where getting out is your only choice."
from "Living With the Passive Aggressive Man"
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Passive Aggressive Abuse
When I came to the sentence,
‘A joyous, intimate relationship with a man who truly loves me.’
Tears fell from my eyes like fallen stars.
I cry, too, when I think how badly I want this.
Only those realise or fill it, who gone through situation.
This is painful.
My husband’s makes me want to die daily I try and get out but he says he wants to stay and torcher me he acts so innocent in front of people my hearts broken 2 marriage with a abusive man I pray for death sometimes I don’t know what to do he’s tried put me in jail he gives money to family won’t let me work but likes to bring it up when he’s mad in front of his men he works with ,he makes me feel like I’m nothing and see after first marriage I nearly died this one will kill me he destroyed cars finances and acts like his 4 wives is so mean ,Bobby kitchens is all evil but in front of people he acts like a saint god or someone help me no way out
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this is very typical behavior of men like this..u r not in this alone..u have a way out..pray pray and more prayer, listen to ur inner voice and the answers will come to u..u have the power to get out..don’t let him or anyone take away ur power..the fact that u shared ur story u have a light that is shining..sending u love and strength from another sister who understands exactly what u r feeling..took courage but after 23 yrs finally separated!
Please encourage me while I’m getting out of a passive aggressive incredibly emotionally abusive marriage.
He would:
-Withhold sex up to 6 months.
-Sleep with coworker and blame her for it happening, then blame me for being angry about it.
-make me wonder (for 16 years) why I was so unlovable.
I cannot be lured back into his web. How do you keep your low self-esteem from getting in the way of being tricked again and again by promises and love letters of change?
Hi, Grace. Have you moved out? Do you no longer live with him? I hope that is the case! Either way, my first suggestion would be to read “The Language of Letting Go” each and every day. Second, focus on YOU, what you do, what is important to you, what you like to do. Do not give him the power over you. You are an individual and you are responsible for YOU, not him. He is an adult (in theory) and he is responsible for himself. Make decisions that are healthy for you and not based on what he wants. Put your energy into YOUR life, not his. If you are working, put your all into your job. If you have a hobby, focus on your hobby. Focus on your health, on exercise, on healthy food. Focus on relationships in your life that are healthy, that are positive. If you can talk with a therapist, talk to a therapist. Attend Al-Anon. Do the next right thing. For me, that was/is – start a load of laundry! I know that sounds funny! :} Remember what you used to enjoy and do it again. Do what is healthy for YOU!!! Put your oxygen mask on YOU, not on him. I hope this helps! Let me know! I wish you well.
When i read your reply I just started crying…torture is the word for living with a PA man
His lies are so real to him he forgets what he has said keeps life in kaos
I have dreamed he would die or never come home so many times
Sex was withheld from me for 10 years
I will have been married to this man for 31 years the end of this month
I’ve left and come back more times than I can count
He has been having an affair with a coworker on and off for 7 years always blaming her
She is not the first and my counselor said she wont be the last
He has been supposed to retire for over 2 1/2 years and keeps putting it off leaving me in limbo
He thinks we can build a house together and has embaressed me in front of contractors
If it weren’t that we have 2 beautiful daughters I probably would have been gone by now but I dreamed and hoped he would get better so we could all be a family – I feel so stupid because it has taken me so long to realize this will never happen
I’m in counceling and its the best thing I have ever done a divorce is eminent – freedom
BIG VERTICAL HUG TO YOU AND ALL THAT ARE TRYING TO LIVE WITH A PA
(((((((((((((8))))))))))))))
Yes, he moved out 7 months ago. He has moments of clarity and repentance for his behavior. But the second I express any sadness, anger, or frustration, he gives me silent treatment for months. So I started no contact except about kids. It’s helped.
I’m slowly detaching and seeing that he is not my safety, I am. I now recognize (emotionally unavailability) red flags in others and myself. I brought rejection and fear of abandonment into the relationship. I operated from old wounds and controlled him to punish my unloving hurtful parents. Unfortunately this pairs terribly with PA. He brought punishing his mom’s rejection of him into the marriage.
I lived with the crazy cycles because I was unhealthy, I actually looked forward to opportunities to rage if he rejected me through PA techniques. With great therapy and friends I now see why/how I was attracted to his personality and no longer can make those unhealthy choices. It would be great to discuss this in therapy but he refuses so I have one choice, to move on.
I enrolled in school to complete my degree and just got a pt job!
What you say is so true, and yet only easy to realise with hindsight
Awwww, yes, the dream! Beautiful! Thanks for sharing! I just found your page, and here I’ve been dreaming with you all along. Sistership! Sweet! Summary: Married to a man with passive aggressive behavior for too many years. Sickenly sad for way too long. Trying to overcome everyday with hope. So alone and thinking I was the only one. Today, that changes. There is indeed hope. Or, did I say that already? (loved your ending, so I borrowed it here!)
Hi I think I may have been living with a passive aggressive man for 26 years, married for nearly 22. He constantly puts seeds of doubt in my head and has done so for as long as I have known him. He made me think something was going on with my sister, telling me that he had dreams about her (and I walked in and ruined it!) to when we were trying for kids and I couldn’t get pregnant asking whether he could have sex with my sister.. It has caused so much mental anguish over the year and now I don’t even speak with her. I have since found him deleting a coworkers number off his phone and he obviously tried to keep me from the Xmas work’s do last year. He is very calculating and manipulative, tormenting and the trust has completely gone. He says he thinks I look older than him as I have wrinkles around my eyes, and he has started noticing things that a man in love surely wouldn’t…is this the sign of a passive aggressive?
Living with a PA is like waking everyday ready to go to war, you just never know from which direction the onslaught will come. I recently described to someone (not my husband) who was hell bent on convincing me that my motive for pursuing a divorce is misguided as they consider it to be due to my unwillingness to for give his adultery or that I just did not want to be married anymore. I told them they were dead right one one count I do not want to be married to my husband anymore because my emotional state of being while in my marriage was like constantly being in Flight or Fight mode. I have no intention of feeling guilty for no longer being willing to fight for something my husband had abandoned years ago. He confessed last november to being unfaithful for the past 8 years, we have been together 20 years and as hard as it is to face life on my own with three kids I am able to really relax for the first time. It has only been through reading this site and a few references made by those blogging on another site I visit that I have been able to see my husbands actions for what they are. This site has also made me look at why I allowed myself to evolve into a relationship with this man as I have often wondered over the years as I have gotten healthy ” how did I get here? Answer, I was broken. By reading what has been posted on this site has helped me to put my husbands actions into perspective and enabled me to not allow his behavior to constantly overwhelm me, thank you to those that have posted the insight on this issue has been life saving.
Wow this is so in lighting. My husband fits this to a T. I am a Christian Minister of 44 years and I am 13 year s older than my husband. Honestly. He is fighting a losing battle according to him .But I believe he can and will over come this. Thank you for the insite it helped me tremendously. Now maybe I can be a much better influences in his life. Being a strong caring woman .I know my contribution in life. So I don’t like being abused and beat on
but I do honestly understand. That this is a real mental desease
My modo is don’t throw the baby out with the bath water take that extra step to get to the heart of the problem then get the Christian help and Deliverance you need to move on to be what God created you to be. People are valuble and worth saving. To move on and do great things and be the best they can be as a Awesome Husband, Father, Sibling, and great person. I see past the desease and see the man I fell in love with, I also see my husband through God’s eyes and know what he can and will accomplish. Thanks again . Keep up the Awesome research of information to help our love ones. Annette.