more on forgiveness

I’ve wanted to write a follow-up post on forgiveness ever since I first wrote about it a month ago.  (see post)

The first thing that I want to share is that I came to a place of forgiving myself and accepting that God (or a Higher Power, however you want to look at it) forgives me as well.  This is huge for me.  So huge that I cannot even begin to describe it.

Remember I started my previous post by stating that he says I don’t forgive him?  Well, in thinking more about it, I realized that he never asks me to forgive him.  He never comes to me and acknowledges that he has done anything that needs forgiveness.  And when I come to him with something that I am upset about, he blames someone or something else, so why would he need forgiveness?

A couple of weeks ago, when I was quickly going through the book “Living With the Passive Aggressive Man,” by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D.,  I found a couple of quotes about forgiveness, or more correctly, apologies, and the passive aggressive man that were very telling.

“Forget about expecting sincere apologies.  They’re a grace practically unknown to a passive-aggressive man. When offered, they are empty since he claims the harm he’s caused was completely inadvertent.  But it takes unerring aim to find your weak spot so consistently.”

Later in the book, Scott Wetzler talks about “…the empty apology…  You’ll know if his apology means anything by how he follows up:  Does he change his behavior? ….”

In case you happen to be wondering, no, my husband doesn’t change his behavior.  I think I wrote about as well in my previous post.

So, maybe him saying, “you don’t forgive me” is just another ploy to justify himself.   I think he just wants to do whatever he wants to do and to not be concerned about how it affects anyone else.   Once again, it is all about him, and not about me or “us” at all.