life-destroying vs. life-giving

Last night, I got a massage.

Until this week, I’ve only had three professional massages in my life.  (See post.)

I LOVE getting a massage!  My goal in life is to be able to afford to get a massage whenever I want!   :}

We’ve been at a vacation spot this past week and I saved money all year to be able to get a massage while we were here.

The past two years I’ve been here, I’ve gotten a massage at the spa at the resort near where we are.  This year, though, that spa closed, so I had to find another place to get a massage.

I’ve only had massages with ladies in the past and I wondered what it would be like to have a massage with a man.  So, when I google to find a new place to get a massage, I looked for a man.

I found one.   I booked a ninety minute massage.  It was great!   His knowledge was incredible; he’s been doing massage for twenty years!  (He’s about my age.)   And his touch was perfect.

That was three days ago.  Ever since that massage earlier this week, I’ve been craving another one.  But it’s expensive and I didn’t really have time.  So, as much as I wanted it, I tried not to think about it.

Then, after the night before last, when my husband said all those things to me (see previous post), I wanted another massage even more.

So yesterday, I called and left a message, asking if by any chance he did evening appointments and asking if maybe he had any time available that evening.

He didn’t call back all afternoon and into the evening, so I figured either he didn’t get the message or he didn’t do evening appointments or that it just wasn’t meant to be.

I spent the afternoon with my daughter and we were at dinner when he called.  It was eight o’clock.

He said he would do an evening appointment and he would make it work to do it that evening.   He was already at home, but he came back to the studio and gave me another massage.

So, for another hour and a half, I lay on a heated bed in a dim room with relaxing music and was touched.

It was so different from the night before.  When my husband said those things to me, it was like the life was being sucked out of my.  I felt worthless, destroyed.

Gary took the time to make an appointment work for me, to give me what I wanted.  His touch is incredible.  And even though massage is his job, it was also an intimate, caring thing.

He is very professional and nothing at all was inappropriate in the least.  But he also understands so much about massage and emotions.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Even when we met before the first massage, just the way he was explaining his approach, it was intuitive.  And the way he massages is very intuitive as well as very knowledgeable.

At one point during the massage that night, he entwined his fingers with mine to hold my hand while he was massaging my arm.  I started crying.  I long so much for a close, intimate relationship.  It wasn’t him personally, but just the desire to be cared for and to be touched in a loving way.

The massage last night was over at ten fifteen.  I came back and got into bed.  Thankfully my husband was already in bed and I didn’t tell him where I had been.

This morning I woke up so relaxed and so happy.  I haven’t felt happy like that in a long time.

Maybe it was just the human touch.   But it was wonderful.  It was life-giving.