I am feeling crazy today. I want to be comforted, to know that I am not crazy, to know that it is all going to be okay.
I wore my wedding ring yesterday. Call it an experiment.
Today I finally asked him why he put eggplant in the dinner he made for me on Friday night. I don’t like eggplant. At all. Ever. Fixed in any kind of way. And he put it in the dinner he made Friday night.
(He baked steak and onions and red potatoes and carrots … and eggplant together in a casserole dish.)
He said that he didn’t know the flavor from the eggplant would spread to the steak.
And yesterday, when I so thoughtfully wore my wedding ring for him (well, my substitute wedding ring – see post), he still COMPLETELY ignored me when I asked him a question, he told our friends about saving a trapped hummingbird when he hadn’t told me about it, he told our friends about another friend having hurt his back when he hadn’t told me. He told me a different friend hurt his back and this friend was having head-aches. He didn’t tell me this friend also hurt his back. (This is called withholding information – a trick PAs use to know more than you do.)
So, it’s just same ol’, same ol’, no matter what I do. Doesn’t really make any difference.
Anyhow, I was trying to talk to him about these things and he started crying and saying he was stupid. (Victimization.) He said he didn’t mean to hurt me.
I told him that I have never called him stupid. I told him that he needed to get help. I told him that he needed to talk to someone about why he keeps doing things that hurt me when he says he doesn’t want to.
After that, then I felt drained and crazy. And I just wanted to be held and comforted. But the one who might comfort me is the one who is also making me feel crazy!!!!!
Ugh!!!
Passive Aggressive Abuse 
Oh boy that all sound so familiar. In an argument my husband will say I think he is stupid. Later he will remember it as me saying he was stupid. It is crazy making. And I believe a no win situation. At some point you will have enough.
It IS crazy-making. Try this:
I just served husbro AGAIN and this time gave him the option of “acknowledgement” over “service” like before. The only requirement is that he notorize the acknowledgement form by 9/6, or will be served by Sheriff. His response: “why does she (my attny) need it by the 6th?” Instead of just getting it done (he’s aware of the divorce–it’s not like I sprung it on him), he wants to now draw out this simple process and once served by the sherrif, will play the victim.
He also wants to remove his name from the lease, utilities( which are mostly in my name) and cancel all joint accounts, posthaste. Accept, there’s a “standing order” which prohibits that until court in 10/2.
Bet me $100 he sulks all damn month, cries broke, and will try to make me crazy. Nope not anymore.
Once the order goes down in October, he can get the hell out. Pay me my CS and lump-sum alimony and have a great life, dude.
i agree…stay for 25 years and it will wear you down and use you up and leave you exactly where you are today, just dying your roots every 6 weeks.
Right now he is not doing anything to you, it is you who are doing this to yourself by not helping yourself or wanting for things to become better. A very common behavior pattern of abuse victim is that she starts believing that she deserves such treatment and nothing good can happen in her life. Do you feel this way?
I read somewhere whatever you are not changing, you are choosing. Take the right step.
I have not been able to think anything good can happen without something horrible coming next for a very long time. How do you change that mindset?
I have been there. It happens when sadness and despair become your comfort zone. Fear in this case is related to the fact that when you are happy, you are out of your comfort zone and that makes you feel vulnerable.
Yes, you can change that mindset. It will not happen overnight and requires consistent effort from your end.
Firstly, accept that fear. Write about it in your diary or talk to a friend. Face it & accept it. It is okay to feel vulnerable. Then try to fight it. Find an emotional anchor, it can be a person or a meditation technique. Be nice and kind to your soul.
Hang in there. He’s broken. You are not crazy. You are attempting to make “sense out of nonsense”
Stay strong and keep your focus. We are all fighting similar battles–know you are NOT alare just brave and insightful enough to lay yourself bare for us. We (yes, I’ll speak for all of us) appreciate, esteem and support you.
“NOT alone. “. Damned iPhone. :-)
I love how it was put on a post!!! Those who are “in charge,” “in control” have the responsibility to make decisions in the best interest of those “under” them. That was how I looked at it! I did for along time!
I have tried everything to get my “fire up for my life and all the zest with it like I use to have it!. Does this make any sense at all! This is how I feel. Please comment if you understand me.
1) Our family never does anything fun, get anything accomplished when I let go and let him be in charge. (He gets me every single time, Period because A) I never get a “real” response to do any of the things I come up with but yea, okay. B) So if he agrees then there is no I mean no excitement to do it, Get it and when it is my idea It never gets done for sure.
I am so tired of making things happen to the point of numbness. And I am now paying attention to him more which has been discussing! Like:
1.) I had him fill out school papers when school started back up. I am not working because I can’t. He called me up on the phone last week and told me a teacher called him and said (our son) helped her out in her class and wanted to call and tell us about it. I asked him why she called him, he works and I stay at home? He said I don’t know, I asked him if he put my name down first and he said no I put my name down first. I said you work, I am the one who stays home. I should of been written down first. He said he filled out the paperwork so he wrote his name down first. (Okay, but I should be the first they call not you, you work.) The thing is I talked to the other mom’s and they said they are on the first to call and told me to call the school and switch it, so I did)
2.) I took steaks out of the freezer to have cook after a Friday night game. We was to leave at 6:00 p.m. He told my daughter to cook them out on the grill at 5:15 and didn’t tell me til 5:30 p.m. and when I asked him why did he do that, that I was going to cook them out when we got home. He said I thought you was hungry. (((What))) you never asked me if I was, or never even asked what I was planning. I ran out to stop my daughter from cooking them and she already had them on. (Needless to say I was hot, then whatever)
3.) Then when we was going to go my husband told his brothers to meet us at the house at 6 to follow us up there. What, why wasn’t I told?
It is getting worse now that I have been pointing it out. I don’t know if I can keep pointing this stuff out, I read it is good to point it out to them but I have noticed him getting worse instead of better to be around and making me see more sick tactics he is capable of doing. JUST SAD!!!
I’ve been married, and feeling crazy, for 12 years. Several months ago, my sister-in-law, in talking about her mother, mentioned the term passive-aggressive. I heard the term before but didn’t really know what it meant. I looked it up online and thought, “Yep, that’s my husband.” but still didn’t fully understand. Our relationship continues to cycle through crazy and bearable, crazy and bearable. Just a few days ago, as a result of a crazy cycle, I did a search again on passive aggressive behavior but this time I searched for “passive-aggressive husbands” and “silent treatment” and finally I’m understanding what the heck has been going on. The enemy has been identified, I will study the enemy and the enemy will be defeated! I’m making an appointment to speak with my pastor today. Thank you for sharing. I pray we all find the resolution we’re looking for and so desperately need.
It makes a lot sense – in a way – once you can identify what is going on! Thank you for your prayers for all of us!
“No weapon formed against me will prosper.” Isaiah 54:17 and
“…the Spirit who lives in [me] is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” 1 John 4:4