In the eye of the beholder…

I don’t look good in pictures.  Seriously.  I don’t.  Sometimes I think I look okay in the mirror, but I almost never look good in pictures.

My daughter agrees.  She thinks I am so pretty, but she can never get a good picture of me.

Tonight I said, I wonder why I never look good in pictures.

He said, I would tell you, but you would get mad at me.

I just looked at him.

He said, Too much Moose Tracks.

[MooseTracks Ice-Cream.  Read “emotional eating.”  Of course, he doesn’t get that.]

Anyhow, after he said that, I was thinking, he thinks I’m fat.  Of course, often I think I am fat, too.  But still, it would be nice if he didn’t think I was fat.  And I have lost a little weight.  I think I look better than I used to.

But then I was thinking, the one who used to wink at me doesn’t think I’m fat.  He told me once that I didn’t need to go to the gym to lose weight.  (See post.)

So which is it?   Fat or not?

Or is it simply a case of “Beauty (or fat) is in the eye of the beholder”?

Not that I really care so much.  Okay.   Maybe I do.

But mostly I am just thinking out loud here.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to In the eye of the beholder…

  1. mourninglight says:

    Once upon a time, I did a good bit of photography (another story), but the bottom line is that some people look better in photos than they do in person, and some people look better in person than they typically do in photos.

    However…
    There are people who so dislike a camera pointed at them, that they instantaneously become ill at ease, and this just makes for a poor photo. My most favorite thing was to have a session with someone who hated having their picture taken, and utilize compassionate tricks and empathy to get them to forget for one moment that I was also taking their photo. Bingo, every time there would be that one ‘click’ and I would know this would be the one that caught their unique beauty. It was beyond gratifying to hand them the photo later and see their eyes amazed and happy.

    As far as the gaseous comment leaked by your husband, that was just snarky. It doesn’t even qualify as passive aggressive, just plain garden variety aggressive.

    I will probably never be photogenic, but like others I photographed, a happy me feeling loved translates into the rare, good picture of me. This has either been a picture with my kids, or remembering or imagining being loved. Meanwhile, I remain like the elusive yeti beast when it comes to actual photographs.

    • Yes, I do believe some people are just more photogenic than others. Also, I don’t like having my picture taken so maybe that is part of it. If I loved myself and felt loved, maybe I would look better in photographs!!! :} Thank you for your insight! And, yes, his comment was just plain snarky. But that’s the way he is.

      • mourninglight says:

        I absolutely believe (from taking hundreds and hundreds of photos in past years) that if you were happy, the photo is better. Even non-smile photos of basically happy people are more flattering in that case. Very odd as I read comments here, because I also asked my husband why he never wanted to snap a pic when I felt ‘ready’ because I’d dressed nicely, put on makeup, etc. Consequently, there are a handful of pretty bad photos of me as a younger wife/mother (sad). He also took the surprise pics at my worst until it became an accepted rule that I don’t want ANY pics taken of me by anyone. Ever. The last voluntary pic I had taken was me with a son who had returned home from war. I was beyond happy (and of course tried to look nice to see him) and the pic was flattering. surprise surprise

  2. Karen says:

    I am constantly amazed by how similar our lives are.
    I too think I am somewhat attractive and people tell me I am. But 99% of the time I look awful in pictures. I think it is a lack of confidence and the sadness we carry with us constantly.
    I know overweight people who look great in pictures. I wouldn’t take your husbands comment to heart. He is just looking to get a dig in and keep you feeling unsure of yourself. If you were feeling confident you might find some one else or just walk right out of there. I think if you were truly happy it would radiate through in the pictures.
    I asked my husband once why he only took pictures of me when I was at my worst. Just up in the morning, cleaning the house, etc. He never takes a picture of me when I am dressed up or looking nice for any reason. He said because he wanted the pictures to reflect what I really look like. What the heck kind of comment is that? So I have almost 30 years of pictures of me at my worst. Very few that someone else took at an event of some sort.
    P.S. I love Moose Tracks. Sometimes around here they call it Panda Paws. I think we could all be so happy together. Lol!

    • My husband has a way of taking unflattering pictures of me, too. Sometimes I wonder if it is just because he doesn’t think or if it is an underlying meaness. Whatever.
      YAY MOOSE TRACKS!!!! :}

      • Karen says:

        I do think it is on purpose. When you love someone you want to take pictures of them at their best or when they are doing something cute or special. Not just when they look awful. And I get the same comment. That there are no pictures because I don’t like my picture taken. I only say no because the only time the camera is pointed at me is when I look terrible. You just can’t win with these men.

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