I feel old, ugly, fat, unlovable. I’m tired. Tired of all of this going on and on and on.
I work so hard at the gym, but I don’t see much of a difference. A lady at the gym says she can see a big difference so that is encouraging to me. And once the man who sometimes winks at me told me I didn’t need to go to the gym to lose weight. But I still feel discouraged.
I wonder if I will always feel discouraged about my life.
I want sex. My husband wants sex. But I don’t want sex with him. It hurts too much emotionally.
I’m doing the crazy, bang-your-head-against-the-wall thing again: I started thinking, maybe if I’m really warm and sweet and generous, then he’ll be good to me and everything will be okay.
“They’re coming to take me away…. ha-ha..”
I wonder what love feels like. I really do. I wonder what love feels like. Have I ever felt loved? Am I asking too much?
Friday will be my twenty-sixth wedding anniversary. Twenty-six years. Really?
I feel really crazy.
I have to go make dinner now and wash dishes and wash laundry.
And tomorrow’s another day….