“The freedom is unbelievable!”

This comment was left on a previous post (see post) and I wanted to share it with you.

Hey! I’m a long time follower of your blog, but this is my first time posting. I DID IT! After 12 miserable years, I left the bastard!!! I was more scared, conflicted, tormented, worn-down, and close to giving up and ending it all than I’ve ever been. Thank god he’s a mama’s boy. His mother has always hated me, and every woman he’s ever been with, for that matter. The final straw came when I was set to take a plane trip to see my family for Christmas. The night before, he told me it would be no problem to give me a ride to the airport. Then, the next day, low and behold, he approached me 2 hours before I needed to leave and said: so- how are you getting to the airport? I completely flipped out and lost my mind. I jumped on his back, and flung him to the ground. I wrapped my hands around his throat, and squeezed as hard as I humanly could. (Please note: I have never laid a finger on another human being, and I have been the recipient of physical abuse in the past. I am very against physical violence, and I am the last person on earth who I ever expected to lay a hand on another. I am not proud of what I did. But as ashamed as I am to admit it, I don’t regret what I did, either.) So when he told his mother about this, she demanded that he kick me out (he decided to mention the idea on Christmas day). Of course, he later denied that he brought the idea of me moving out intentionally on Christmas day, but I knew that was bull. So I did what he never thought I’d do: while he was gone from the house for 13 days still visiting his family, I rented a moving truck, packed what I could (while having an upper respiratory infection the entire time, I might add), grabbed my 2 cats and loaded them up in the front seat with me, and moved 2 states over back to my parents’ house! Wish I could have seen the look on that worthless man’s face when he came back home to a baron house! Ah hah hah ha!!! But what I really want to share with all you ladies (perhaps some gentlemen, too), is what I have gone through in the ‘fallout’, thus far. I landed at my folks’ house on January 15th. So it’s been a little over 2 weeks now. When I first got home, I was on a hair trigger. Any comment that anyone made to me that I even slightly perceived to be passive aggressive, I jumped down their throat. But honestly, even before I got home, I already new that I was free! And a week later, I had begun the process of dropping my walls around my family and friends. A couple of our mutual friends took his side. But after I explained the situation, most of my pals immediately understood! The outpouring of support has come from the most unlikely of places, and has been tremendous! And truthfully, it doesn’t matter if a single person agrees with me. Every human on earth could think he’s the nicest guy ever. But I know the truth – and that’s all that matters to me. The more time that passes, the more I realize how much of a trance-like state I was in while living with him. It’s impossible to see just how deep you’re in this state until you’re away from the abuser. I know some of you are afraid of what’s on the other side. Well, I’m here to tell you – it’s bliss!!! I mean, it’s a little weird having that void where all the fighting and insanity and self doubt used to exist. I think the worst of it was 2-fold: trying to figure out what to do with all my free time, and dealing with the shame I feel for not having ditched this loser years and years ago. But hind sight is 20/20. Anyone who is going through this hell should know this: you’re not an idiot or a fool for having been duped for as long as you have been. You were a beautiful frog, put in the lukewarm water, which was turned up ever so slowly. Silence is the biggest killer. You can’t argue with a person who refuses to have an open opinion about anything. And just realize: you’ve been doing it ALL ON YOUR OWN the whole time. So when you leave the bum, you will quickly realize that you have the strength of a superhero! It’s like having weights around your legs everywhere you walk. Then suddenly the weights are removed. You are ten times stronger and faster than ever before!!! Oh- and please, please don’t waste any time beating yourself up for not having left yet. It took me such a grievous, heinous eruption (and his psycho mother) to push me over the edge. But just like so many people have said on this blog: the air tastes sweeter, the sun shines brighter, and all the world has a new, radiant hue! I am still recovering from being so emotionally drained. But every single day I feel better and better and better. The final thing I’d like to say, is that for the longest time I read this blog and thought to myself: sure, these other people are staying in a doomed relationship – but I can change this guy. He is the exception to the rule. WRONG!!! There are NO EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE. Get out!!! The freedom is unbelievable! You all deserve it. So take it!!! And you will soar, guaranteed!!! XOXO and love to everyone! And to the blog author: your are an incredible woman, and a personal hero of mine! Godspeed your exit. I know you will eventually do it! Don’t beat yourself up about your hesitations, or when you’re finally going to go through with it. You’ll do it! I can see it in you!!! Thank you so much! I am crying as I write this. Your blog clued me in. You freed me, and I can never thank you enough! XOXOXOXOXOXO

I am thrilled that you are free and I really appreciate you letting me know!  I am so glad that my blog was able to help you on your journey.  I wish you well and keep us posted!!!

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, money, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to “The freedom is unbelievable!”

  1. I fight all the time to not come unglued like that on my soon to be ex husband. The worse time I think was in the court house when our divorce was supposed to be over with and he stopped it. It took everything I had in me and then some not to just jump across the courtroom and then following him down the stairs. I don’t know how I kept from really doing it. Everything she said about the trance and feeling better are so true.

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