crazy, stupid fantasies

I have these crazy, stupid fantasies.

Like, one day, I will be free from this … this whatever it is.

Like, one day, someone will actually love me.

I feel so crazy.

But I really don’t want to be crazy.

I want to be loved.

Please don’t tell me that I have to love myself first.

My therapist is helping me with that.

Please don’t tell me that God and Jesus love me.  I know They do. Christ died for me.

I want someone, a real, live, warm, human man, to sleep with at the end of the day and to actually share the ups and downs of life.

Is that too much to ask?

A few days ago, my brother-in-law (my sister’s husband) was being really encouraging.  He told me that I was a wonderful, wonderful woman.  He told me that I was worth loving.

Me.

Worth loving.

Imagine that.

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This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to crazy, stupid fantasies

  1. I felt the same way you did when things first started getting bad between me and my ex. Who is going to want me and 3 kids? He didn’t love me or act like it, show it if he did, look at the way he treated me his wife the mother of his three kids. If I wasn’t good enough for him, wasn’t worth him loving me or treating me better when I was these things to him why would any one else want me or love me or my kids? I would think this most days and one day something clicked and said your not doing anything wrong, there is nothing wrong with you, your doing or have done everything a wife and mother should do he is the one with the problem he is treating you this way. You do deserve more you do derisive better and someone who will love you and take care of you the way you have him all these years and he hasn’t done for you. I thought about that for a little while over and over and finally decide it was true I hadn’t done anything to desrive to be treated the way he was treating me and there was plenty of guys out there that would treat me the way I should be and love me. Once you start believing that it is life changing.

  2. K E Garland says:

    You DON’T have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. That’s a fallacy; trust me. You just have to attract someone who loves you for who you are. That is possible.

    • How do I attract someone who loves for who I am? Who really wants to be with me? And not just for his own selfish purposes?

      • K E Garland says:

        In my opinion, you simply have to be present/aware and use your intuition. I think w know when something feels right/wrong, but we’ve learned how to ignore our feelings. I do also think that you have to be that which you seek. If you are pure love, which we all are, then you can attract pure love. Again, this is just my $.02. 💜

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