not involved

My daughter is in New York City!

At this very moment, she is attending Les Mis.   I’m sure she is absolutely loving it!  And that is an understatement!  (link about Les Mis)

Did I ever tell you that she is an art student in college?

Anyhow, last night I put her on a bus to New York, and she – along with the other students going to NYC for spring break – arrived safely this morning.  It sure was hard putting her on that bus, though!  But you can’t hold them back from opportunities just because you are a mom who might worry about her little girl.

So, she’s in New York City.

A couple of days ago, I had printed out a google map for the bus stop location where I would need to take her to meet the bus.  When I got home, my daughter and I were talking and I forgot I had laid it on the table.

He saw it and asked my why I needed a bus stop.

I didn’t say anything.

I was mad at myself for forgetting and leaving it out.  And I didn’t know what to say to him.  I didn’t want to tell him anything.

He asked the question again and when I still didn’t say anything, he said, I guess it’s none of my business, right?

I don’t know how to describe his tone, but he sure wasn’t happy or understanding.

Last night, before I left to come home from work, I texted him and asked him if he could get his own dinner.  He texted back, yes.

When I got home, he asked me if I was going somewhere.  I said, why?  He said that I had texted for him to get his own dinner and he wondered if I was going somewhere.

(I was.  I was going to take my daughter to meet the bus, but I didn’t want to talk to him about it.)

Finally, I said, I resent it that you are not involved in things when I need you to be involved.  And then when I am doing something, you demand to know what is going on.

He said, I try to be involved but you put up walls.

I said, somewhat sarcastically, I put up walls???

Then I left the room.  I was changing clothes and then needed to grab something to eat and sew buttons on my daughter’s coat and then get her to the bus stop.  So I was a little busy.

A minute or two later,  I came back in the room and he said, well, I’m going to go put away the chickens.

He came back in a little later and was telling me stuff about the chickens.   Then he told me his mom wasn’t feeling well.  It seems like there was something else, but I don’t remember what.

And the whole time, I was thinking, really???  I threw out this huge thing about me resenting you not being involved and you are going to talk about chickens???

But, whatever.

My daughter is having a grand adventure in New York City.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, money, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to not involved

  1. ChickenLadyMovedToTown says:

    I’m proud with you for your daughter. You’ve undoubtedly nurtured her well, and now you’re seeing the fruits of your labor.

    What are you going to do when the kids are all gone and on their own?

    • My older daughter already lives in another state. My younger daughter, the one above, lives at home and drives to college each day. I’ll probably keep doing what I am doing – going to work each day. I’d also like to be a motivational speaker. And, hopefully one day, I will be with a wonderful man…..

  2. Expat says:

    It’s like they get so upset when they don’t know what’s going on. They MUST know. Because however can they thwart plans or get in the way if they don’t know what’s going on? My ex husband had to know everything.

  3. chosetobehappy says:

    My pah wants to know everything too but him getting involved will only screw up things so I try to keep things to a minimum and even wait until the event is done before I tell him anything. And all of this to mitigate the fact that he will take it too far or prevent whatever is suppose to happen or make a huge fuss about it. Once he finds out, it’s always “you never tell me anything”…. so?!

    • When I flat out ask him to do something or be involved with something, he either won’t or won’t do it the way I ask. If I don’t ask him, but he knows, he sometimes will find a way to mess it up. It’s “easier” to just keep quiet about everything and do what I have to do. Like I said above, he wants to know, but he doesn’t care.

  4. Karen says:

    And the irony is they never tell us anything of importance. I love how it all gets twisted back on us.

  5. Judy says:

    Yes, “non of his business”, but say it in a neutral tone, do not let him get any emotional reaction from you. If he insists on knowing more, say in a neutral tone, “thought you would not be interested”. But, remember, do NOT let him illicit any emotional response of any kind from you, walk away.

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