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I understand (I think!) that couples are going to have disagreements, that things are not always going to be smooth sailing.
But the thing that gets me about him/ us is that there is no way to resolve these kinds of things. If I say anything to him about these things hurting me, he just comes back at me with more.
For example, about a week ago, we were going someplace and I was driving. We were using the GPS and he told me that the GPS was going to tell me to turn left, but that I would actually need to turn right. So I turned right, and as I was doing so, I asked him how the GPS would straighten this out. See, our GPS is a little old and I didn’t know if since it was telling me a wrong direction, if it would be able to sense that we were going the right way. Sometimes, when we are on a road, the GPS shows that we are driving through nothingness! So I didn’t know and I wondered, so I asked. I don’t remember his specific answer, but he spoke to me very rudely.
I – calmly – told him that he didn’t need to speak to me that way.
He fired back at me, just as rudely, and said, well, I thought it was a ridiculous question…. and continued on speaking rudely to me.
So there is no way for me to say, you are hurting me. It’s pointless. He always turns around and puts it back on me.
I guess he has “trained” me to just shut up and take it.
The other thing about all of this is that there is no positive for the negative. It’s not like there are kind, intimate, loving conversations most of the time and then sometimes there are issues. It’s not like I am only writing about the negative things that he does. What I write is pretty much IT!!! There isn’t much good to offset the lots of bad.
When I have the money to leave, I will. In the meantime, I just need to vent. And record what goes on in my life.