He’s been being nice. Or, maybe I should say, helpful.
You know, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, making dinner.
(There is more I could add to both of those sentences, but I just too tired tonight. I’ll try to write more about them in a day or two.)
So…
Tonight after work, I went to yoga class. (More on that later, too.)
And then I went grocery shopping. I went to three different stores. They’re all on the same road home, so it’s not too bad, but, still, I was cold and tired by the time I got home.
As I was driving home, I was thinking, he’s been trying to be helpful recently – he’ll bring in the groceries for me! All I have to do is take a hot shower and get into bed. (More on that one later, also!)
Ha!!!
He didn’t come into the kitchen to greet me and offer to help and when I went into the bedroom to set down my purse and my gym bag, he said …
“Can you bring in the groceries? I just got out of the shower.”
Gets me every time.
Passive Aggressive Abuse 
What a MAN!!
So chivalrous!!!
Imagine looking him in the eye and saying no, I shopped and it’s our agreement that you bring the groceries in, then going and taking your shower. What do you think his response would have been?
I ask because I did the same as you, but the example of saying no is actually healthy boundary setting.
The first and, so far only, time I stood up against him was in an e-mail during our divorce proceedings when he claimed he couldn’t give me certain onfo, but i was sure he had it. I called him out on how he was lying and guess what….he backed down and gave me the info. Made me realize that he is like a scary looking shadow in a dark room…flip on the light and he is nothing scary. Tricky part is that they get you to agree to live in their dark room where they control the switch.
I hope you have a great day today!
Reread what you wrote…
Okay, so it wasn’t your agreement that he’d bring them in, but he sure understood it was something you expected because he had his excuse neatly prepared. So crappy!
Yeah, I wondered what would happen if I said, no. But obviously, I didn’t say no. I just brought in the groceries. : (
Do not be hard on yourself about it. I do not have the experience of standing up and speaking out while living with him…I bet it is very hard mentally.
There is scientific research that shows if we mentally rehearse a situation going a certain way then we increase our odds of creating that outcome. So keep imagining what saying no would feel like and eventually you will be ready to say it.
My therapist told me “we do the best we can with what we have in any situation” and that has been a helpful phrase for me when my ability doesn’t meet my expectation. Instead of giving up, I can accept my shortcoming and move onto the next thing.
I hope you have a great Sunday!
that lasted long didn’t it…
Nope. Just long enough for me to start feeling a little comfortable with it. And then, woosh – there goes the carpet … or the football.