Every morning, he very cheerfully says good morning to me.
(Well, almost every morning. Occasionally I think he must be mad because he won’t even look at me when I walk in.)
I often ignore him.
This morning, he again very cheerfully said good morning.
I said, yeah, whatever.
I wanted to say, really? really? You just spent the night in a queen size bed all to your self under my homemade quilt with your own personal bathroom right off to the side of the room. Sure, it’s a good morning for you. Never mind that I just spent the night tossing and turning on a tiny sofa cushion on the living room floor because I can’t stand to be in the same room with you after you sexually assaulted me.
But I didn’t say that.
All I said was, yeah, whatever.
Passive Aggressive Abuse 
Choices. It always comes down to our choices.
Getting out takes strength and trust in yourself. May the Lord bless you with the strength you need. The trusting yourself will come from within you.
While you are still living with your abuser your thinking will be muddled. We victims become obsessed with taking care of our abusers over time. This leaves no room in your thoughts for rationality. It’s difficult to hold rational thoughts while dealing with the abnormal.
Getting away from the abuse and recovering from it takes time. Everyone’s journey is different. When it’s time to go…you’ll know it.
Remember…it’s not about you, it’s about him.
God bless you and keep you safe as you work your way through the maze of getting away from your abuser.
You deserve much more than what crumbs this thief offers. You are a valuable, vibrant person, but the fog he creates is like those dementors in Harry Potter–it sucks the energy and life from you, leaving you sad, hopeless and confused.
I pray you’ll soon be ready to get away to a life of freedom from oppression.
I highly recommend talking to the domestic abuse center near you. Find out if you qualify for a confidential address in your state for when you move out. The peace of mind afforded by this boundary has been so helpful to my recovery.
Much love to you. Stay strong.
Here is a link to state address confidentiality programs: https://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/help-for-victims/address-confidentiality-programs
Your H clearly would have sex with you but his last attempt was viewed as “sexual assault”, you moved to the couch, and now you are looking at gym guys and talking about how with the next one you want to have sex daily….
I really hate the book “love and respect” by egghead myself and your H’s e-mail was pretty self centered, selective reading, and lacking empathy or insight.
OTH do you have any empathy for him? A sexless marriage is hard. I don’t read the sexlessness as all on him.
Wherever YOU go there YOU are.