Saying no

This morning, I didn’t give him a hug.

Every morning before he goes to work, he gives me a quick hug and a peck of a kiss and says he loves me and that he hopes that I will have a good day.

This morning, he started to do that, and I said, no, I don’t want to hug you.  I’m tired of pretending everything is okay.

He said, I know everything is not okay.

I told him I was glad he knew everything was not oaky and that I had to go get ready for work.

He then wanted to know if I was coming home that night and making dinner.  And he wanted to know what time and he wanted to know why it would be so late.  I told him that I go to the gym after work.

He said (sarcastically), fine, go to the gym.  And he left.

Prior to all of this, I had asked him if he had any money he could give me to help me buy a new laptop for my (our) daughter.  The answer was a flat-out  no.

Every morning when he gives me this hug, I feel like he is ignoring the fact that we have serious problems in our marriage.  Every single morning I feel that way and I resent that hug.   So this morning, I finally said no, fueled by the feelings of betrayal and rejection that came from him not being willing to help support my daughter.  No, it’s not petty payback; it’s setting a boundary.  My feelings, though, did give me the strength to actually go ahead and say no, when many times before I have not wanted to hug him and have done so anyway.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, marriage, money, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Saying no

  1. Sofia Leo says:

    It’s a good beginning. If he realizes that you will no longer follow the established patterns of the relationship, maybe something will happen. I hope that you find the strength to walk away for good.

    This sentence is really telling, ” I had asked him if he had any money he could give me to help me buy a new laptop for my (our) daughter. The answer was a flat-out no” and oh, so sad. He doesn’t deserve you or your daughters.

    • I want you to know that I started looking at travel trailers on-line this afternoon. I had been looking, again, for houses to rent, even apartments, and they are all so far out of my price range. And the ones that come a little closer to my price range are not in places that I am comfortable living. Do you get internet access where you park your trailer? And how does electricity work? Next week end I will probably go to a place that sells RVs etc and look at them.

      That really is a sad sentence. You know, often when I am writing I don’t think a lot about what I am writing, more than just writing it, but when I sometimes go back and read what I’ve written in past posts, I just can’t believe that that is me, that this is my life.

      • Sofia Leo says:

        :-) It’s a great life! I do have internet access – the park provides Basic Cable (which sucks at this particular park) and I rent a box from the cable company that gives me Real Channels and wireless internet. It will cost ~$30/month (haven’t gotten a bill yet.)

        Electricity works exactly like it does for a boat in a marina – there’s a large “shore power” cord that comes out of the back or side of the trailer and plugs into an electrical box next to where you park. As an added bonus, my trailer is equipped with two 12-volt batteries that are constantly kept charged by the inverter so if the power goes out I still have lights. Heat, cooking and the fridge are powered by propane, so you can do most anything even if the power goes out or you want to “boondock” somewhere.

        A travel trailer really has all of the comforts of home, it’s just a small space, about the size of a studio apartment.

        Your life can be what you make it. It does not have to be dictated by what HE wants. He is not fulfilling his end of the relationship “bargain,” which leaves you under no obligation to continue.

  2. I currently live in a sexless marriage and I just realised I do this too. Every morning he will stop by, hug me and give me a peck on the lips before he goes to work. Does it mean anything? Not really, just habit I guess. The sad thing is that I still crave the contact even if there is no true meaning behind it.

    • I still crave the contact, too. Believe me, I do!!! I was just upset enough that morning to also be able to express that it hurts me, too. The lack of physical contact in this relationship is killing me. I want to be touched so badly, but I also hate it when he touches me. :{

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