When he said he was thinking about coming to visit at my sister’s house Friday night, I thought he would come by for a couple of hours and then go home. (See post.)
Well… he stayed.
Early Saturday evening, he was playing with the nieces and nephews – he’s better at this than talking with the grown-ups – and one of my nieces asked him if he was going to sleep at their house. And he said yes!
It turns out he had brought his sleeping bag and overnight stuff and was planning to stay.
I didn’t know this. More importantly, my sister and her husband didn’t know this.
My sister’s house isn’t big and it is already full. Since my other sister was visiting, the number of people in the house had doubled. They invited me and I was one more. There was pretty much no more floor space. Had they planned on my husband ahead of time, they could have made different arrangements. But that wasn’t the case.
He ended up sleeping on the floor in the kitchen. There literally wasn’t much else left.
My nieces and nephews like him and my sisters and their husbands are courteous to him. But he simply doesn’t blend well. My sisters and their husbands are very outwardly focused. Their conversations are not about themselves. They train their children to think about others, to be considerate of others.
My husband is not that way. It is always very much about him. So any time he can commandeer the conversation, it becomes about him.
My brothers-in-law are really good friends and my husband changes the whole dynamic.
The two families were together because my brothers-in-law are planning a back-packing trip. This wasn’t an official family gathering like Fourth of July or Thanksgiving.
Anyhow, so that really rained on my parade. I am much more tense around him and even though I tried not to let it affect me that he was there, it did. My sisters and their husbands were gracious, but it was awkward.
I really resented that he did this. This was my time with my sisters, away from him. I guess he wasn’t okay with that.
The first twenty four hours that I was there, I was really relaxed. It was so nice to laugh and joke with all of them. And have more serious conversations. These things aren’t possible with my husband.
And I slept so nicely all by myself that first night. My spot was in my brother-in-law’s office. It wasn’t a space that much wider than my sleeping bag. I had a thin mat and a folded comforter under my sleeping bag, so there was a little padding. And I was by myself. It was so pleasant!
Even though he wasn’t actually sleeping in the same room with me the next night, I felt tense just that he was there. And resentful for what he had done.
Life goes on…