“if you respected me…”

Last night, in bed:

Him:  Will you make love with me tonight?

silence

Me: It makes me cry.

silence

Him, slightly pouty:  What do I have to do?

silence

Me, slowly:  I don’t know.   What does your book say?

[He’s reading “Love and Respect,” using a five dollar bill as book mark, no less.  That just hurts.]

He told me that the husband is supposed to love the wife and the wife is supposed to love the husband.  She is supposed to respect him unconditionally and he is supposed to love her unconditionally.  He said a crazy cycle get started when the wife doesn’t respect the husband and then the husband doesn’t love the wife and then the wife doesn’t respect the husband, etc.  He said that that has to get changed to the wife respects the husband and the husband loves the wife and this will then build more respect and more love.  He said that we are supposed to have sex.  He talked about where Paul wrote to the church about husbands and wives were supposed to have sex with each other.

I didn’t say anything.  I was feeling too revolted at the thought of having to have sex with him.  Just thinking about him between my legs was making me want to kill myself.  And I was also thinking about the fact that for well over half of our marriage, having sex with him has made me cry.

Finally, he said:  I think that if you respected me, you wouldn’t cry.

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This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to “if you respected me…”

  1. Really so this is what he thinks the big problem is here and of course its you. God for bid he may have did something to cause it all. They just make me want to scream get a clue. Makes me so mad.

  2. Seeing the Light says:

    Please put up every defense you have and don’t let that man come near you physically, emotionally, spiritually, or any other way. He has revealed just what I feared when you first posted that he was reading that book. It is dangerous to you. (Check those Amazon reviews). From what you have posted, he has just put all the blame on you!!! For starters, he is supposed to love you. You are supposed to love him and respect him. More weight on you than him. The worst part is the next bit: “He said a crazy cycle get started when the wife doesn’t respect the husband and then the husband doesn’t love the wife and then the wife doesn’t respect the husband, etc. He said that that has to get changed to the wife respects the husband and the husband loves the wife and this will then build more respect and more love.” See who started the cycle? You! It’s the wife’s fault. Her disrespect leads to him being unloving. This is twisted! You started the cycle and only you can fix this, wife. Until you respect the husband, he can’t possibly love you unconditionally. Get it? Unless you fulfill this condition, he can’t love you unconditionally. Hmm. Sick. Sick. Sick. Don’t let this man or this book in your head or heart. And please don’t let him touch you – much less have sex with you. I know his kind and what he just tried to do to you is evil. What does his book say? His book is confirming for him that he is practically guiltless and you are the sinner. Stand on alert and don’t get caught with your guard down. Please.

  3. dragonslut says:

    And you’re married to a man you’re revolted by because?

  4. K says:

    What a jerk.

  5. Oh, this pains me for you. Crying during sex is something that made me wish for death, too. Your spirit is being regularly trampled on and abused and that is attempted murder in my mind (for we ARE souls that reside in bodies)

    It’s time to make plans to get out. The soul-sucking marriage has got you in a gray fog—it’s so hard to think clearly, isn’t it?

    • (Oops…hit enter by mistake.)

      I can tell you from experience that the fog goes away when you are away from your abusive husband. What evil they can do without saying a word is beyond comprehension.

      Please see if you can talk to someone at your local domestic abuse organization–the support you’ll find there will help heal your spirit and can help clear the fog so you feel mentally strong again.

      You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. This is sexual coercion- aka abuse! Stay strong!

  7. fern says:

    Respect is something that is EARNED….

  8. newshoes123 says:

    Obviously his needs seem to come first once again…. How does respecting him equal to not making you cry??…. Hello!! what happened to him respecting you and loving you first? This guy deserve a swift kick in the rear end.

    I’m sorry you have to live with this man. Hopefully the New Year brings you everything that you need and deserve to get the hell out of there.

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