“if you respected me…”

Last night, in bed:

Him:  Will you make love with me tonight?

silence

Me: It makes me cry.

silence

Him, slightly pouty:  What do I have to do?

silence

Me, slowly:  I don’t know.   What does your book say?

[He’s reading “Love and Respect,” using a five dollar bill as book mark, no less.  That just hurts.]

He told me that the husband is supposed to love the wife and the wife is supposed to love the husband.  She is supposed to respect him unconditionally and he is supposed to love her unconditionally.  He said a crazy cycle get started when the wife doesn’t respect the husband and then the husband doesn’t love the wife and then the wife doesn’t respect the husband, etc.  He said that that has to get changed to the wife respects the husband and the husband loves the wife and this will then build more respect and more love.  He said that we are supposed to have sex.  He talked about where Paul wrote to the church about husbands and wives were supposed to have sex with each other.

I didn’t say anything.  I was feeling too revolted at the thought of having to have sex with him.  Just thinking about him between my legs was making me want to kill myself.  And I was also thinking about the fact that for well over half of our marriage, having sex with him has made me cry.

Finally, he said:  I think that if you respected me, you wouldn’t cry.