Words, actions, and crumbs.

Last week we met with Julie, the therapist. (See post.)

She told him to spend fifteen minutes every evening talking to me about four emotions that he had that day.   We were also each supposed to compliment each other on something every evening.  She told us that it was our marriage and up to us if we wanted to work on it.

It’s been over a week since we saw her and we have indeed exchanged compliments every evening.

However, about the sharing emotions thing…

The first night, he ended up sharing three emotions, which I already wrote about.  The next night, it was two things he was happy about.   The next night, it was something else he was happy about.

Then, for two nights in a row, he didn’t talk to me about emotions at all.

The night following that, he told me that he didn’t talk to me because he was angry.  But he never said about what.  I told him, very gently, that that was what the problem was – that he didn’t talk to me when he was angry.  I don’t think he ever got it.

The next night, he brought up something that I hadn’t done that he thought I should have done, even though, in reality, it was none of his business.  But, he didn’t talk about emotions at all.  He was just calling me to task about this particular thing.

I don’t think he said anything about emotions the next night, either, and then last night, he had a headache and wasn’t up to talking about emotions.

Here’s how this looks to me:  he says our marriage means so much to him, but he’s not willing to do the hard work of telling me about his emotions.

And actions speak louder than words.

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About the crumbs….

This afternoon, the one who sometimes winks at me winked and smiled at me as he walked by.  I felt warm and happy inside, which is a really rare feeling for me.

And then I felt like I was a silly, desperate woman because this man smiling at me made feel good.

I don’t want to be a desperate woman.  I don’t want to be a woman who seeks men’s attentions that way.

I was praying about this on the way home after work, praying that I could stop feeling like I wanted other men’s attentions, that I wouldn’t feel so happy if someone chances to wink at me.

So what happens?

I usually go grocery shopping on Wednesdays after work and today was no different.   I went to the gym and then did my usual stops at several different grocery stores to get the things that I need.

The last store that I stop at is about three miles from where I live.

And guess who I see at that store.

So we talked for a few minutes.  It wasn’t a flirty conversation or anything like that.  It was pretty mundane, actually, but I have to confess that I like talking to him.  I made sure that I was the one who ended the conversation and walked off so I don’t appear clingy or desperate or anything.   Then a little later as I am checking out, he waves bye to me.  I smile and wave back.

What was this about praying not to be made happy by someone else?

I just smiled all the way home.