Yesterday, I talked to Julie, the therapist, and I told her, I’m stuck! I’m at the same place I was two years ago and five years ago and…
We talked about a bunch of stuff, and she agreed. I’m stuck!
She said my depression keeps coming back to my marriage. She said that I am alone AND I am ignored. If I lived by myself, I wouldn’t be ignored. I liked that; it made a LOT of sense.
She said it sounded like I wanted more out of all areas of my life. That is so true!!!
We talked, too, about some of the progress I’ve made and a couple of things I can do.
She suggested going ahead and starting house-hunting even though I told her I don’t have the money yet, nor are my things packed. I told her that I was afraid that I would end up living in an even worse house than I do now. She said, no, that I wouldn’t pick that kind of place to live. That was encouraging to me.
She told me, too, to start visualizing. Visualize what my life would be like if I was living on my own. Visualize what it would be like to come home and not have to deal with the stress of the marriage.
When I am talking with her, it all seems so possible. I feel so hopeful about my life when I am talking with her.
But, right now, writing about leaving, I feel so scared.