winter

I used to live in a warm and sunny state.  It never got down to freezing in winter.  Okay.  Maybe once.  It didn’t snow where I lived.  Except for that one time for about fifteen minutes when I was in first grade.

The plants were green all year round and there were always flowers.  And the sun would shine almost all of the time.

Where I live now, there is winter.  The leaves on the trees die.  Everything turns grey.  There are no flowers.  Well, I plant Johnny Jump Ups (Violas) because they will bloom for me, but as a general rule, I see no flowers all winter.  Except for those in the grocery store.

Winter really gets to me.  The cold doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.  And while it does snow here sometimes, it doesn’t happen often.  I think the snow is beautiful.  But the roads are pretty scary if there is much snow.  And I don’t like the cold.

The grey.  The grey really bothers me.  I don’ t like bare trees.  I need the green and the comfort of their leaves.  I need flowers.  I need the life that the plants bring.

By this time of year, every year, the winter is about to drive me crazy.  (As if I wasn’t crazy enough, right?)  I feel so desperate, so hungry for it to be spring.  And about now, just when spring is only twenty days away, it still seems as though spring will never come.

I have some crocus bulbs that are blooming.  And there are buds on my daphne bushes.  In another week or two, they will open and smell like heaven.  And last week, by the parking lot at work, there were a couple of trees that were beginning to show their little, deep pink flowers.  So there are signs that spring actually is on its way.

I was thinking about that in relation to my life this morning.  I need this winter of my life to be over.  The grey is killing me.  I need a springtime for my life now.  And even if there can’t be a full-blown spring for me, I need at least the hope of a spring ~ like the crocus and the daphne, saying, don’t give up, there is hope.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to winter

  1. I really appreciated your well-written final paragraph. Hope – real hope based upon things that are truly possible – has become my focus. Not sure what to do with that yet…but at least it exists. :)

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