Healthy Love vs Addictive Love

1. Healthy Love develops after we feel secure.

    Addictive Love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.

2. Healthy Love comes from feeling full. We overflow with love.

    Addictive Love is always trying to fill an inner void.

3. Healthy Love begins with self love.

    Addictive Love always seeks love “out there” from that “special someone.”

4. Healthy Love comes to us once we’ve given up the search.

    Addictive Love is compulsively sought after.

5. Healthy Love comes from inside. It wants to give.

    Addictive Love comes from outside. It wants to take.   

6. Healthy Love grows slowly, like a tree.

    Addictive Love grows fast, as if by magic, like those children’s animals that expand   instantly when we add water.

7. Healthy Love thrives on time alone as well as time with our partner.

    Addictive Love is frightened of being alone and afraid of being close.

8. Healthy Love is unique. There is no “ideal lover” that we seek.

    Addictive Love is stereotyped. There is always a certain type that attracts us.

9. Healthy Love is gentle and comfortable.

    Addictive Love is tense and combative.

10. Healthy Love is based on a deep knowing of ourselves and our lover.

  Addictive Love is based on hiding from ourselves and falling in love with an ideal “image” not a person.

11. Healthy Love encourages us to be ourselves, to be honest from the beginning with who we are, including our faults.

      Addictive Love encourages secrets. We want to look good and put on an attractive mask.

12. Healthy Love flows out.

       Addictive Love caves in.

13. Healthy Love creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are together.

      Addictive Love creates a loss of self the longer we are together.

14. Healthy Love gets easier as time goes on.

      Addictive Love requires more effort as time goes on.

15. Healthy Love is like rowing across a gentle lake.

      Addictive Love is like being swept away down a raging river.

16. Healthy Love grows stronger as fear decreases.

      Addictive Love expands as fear increases.

17. Healthy Love is satisfied with what we have.

      Addictive Love is always looking for more or better.

18. Healthy Love encourages interests to expand in the world.

      Addictive Love encourages outside interests to contract.

19. Healthy Love is based on the belief that we want to be together.

      Addictive Love is based on the belief that we have to be together. 

20. Healthy Love teaches that we can only make ourselves happy.

  Addictive Love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try to make them happy.

21. Healthy Love creates life.

      Addictive Love creates melodramas


 Thank you to Mourning Light for sharing this link.

This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Healthy Love vs Addictive Love

  1. Tapish Upadhyay says:

    Are you sure about all this? I don’t see any research about this. Don’t you think you are talking about something that you can’t be described?
    I enjoy everything in love. Love can’t be categorized into healthy and addictive. If you’ll do this that means anybody can categorize love in any ways. God has just given us Love and it is different for everyone. You can’t categorize it. This post is giving a wring idea about love. Love is love. Love doesn’t know any boundaries.
    “Your question is, ‘Can you talk about the art of nourishing oneself with love?’ There is no art because there is no need of any effort. Love is the nourishment. But humanity has been so confused by its leaders that one does not know the most inner realms of one’s own being. Love is nourishment in itself. The more you love, the more you will find untrodden spaces where love goes on and on spreading around you like an aura.

    “But that kind of love has not been allowed by any culture. They have forced love into a very small tunnel: you can love your wife, your wife can love you; you can love your children, you can love your parents, you can love your friends. And they have made two things so deeply rooted in every human being. One is that love is something very limited – friends, family, children, husband, wife. And the second thing they have insisted is that there are many kinds of love.

    “You love in one way when you love your husband or your wife; then you have to bring another kind of love when you love your children, and another kind of love when you love your elders, your family, your teachers, and then another kind of love for your friends. But the truth is, love cannot be categorized the way it has been categorized throughout the whole history of mankind. There were reasons for them to categorize it but their reasons are ugly and inhuman, because in this categorization they killed love…

    “The reason why all the cultures have insisted on categorization is because they have been very much afraid of love, is because if there is existential love, then it does not know boundaries – then you cannot put Hindus against Mohammedans, then you cannot put Protestants against Catholics. Then you cannot draw a line saying that you cannot love this person because he is Jewish, Chinese. The leaders of the world wanted to divide the world, but to divide the world they have to do the basic division which is of love.”

  2. Tapish Upadhyay says:

    Excuse grammar and brevity

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