he forgave me

Last night, as I was getting into bed, he said he wanted to talk to me.

My heart started pounding.

He said, about the last two weeks … I forgive you for going to get a massage and I won’t bring it up again.  It’s in the past and the relationship is more important than holding a grudge.  And here’s some cash for groceries.

I took the money and put it in my purse.

I didn’t say anything.  Nothing at all.

But, seriously?  He forgives me for going to get a massage?

I see absolutely no need to be “forgiven” for getting a massage.  There was nothing wrong at all in getting a massage.  I feel no guilt whatsoever about getting a massage. Period.

You know, if it makes him feel better and get over his hurt to “forgive” me, well, then, good for him.

And he didn’t say a word about the credit card.  He didn’t say a word about taking back what he said about not paying for my vitamins/supplements and protein shake.

I know he thought he was doing a good thing to forgive me, but it just made me feel manipulated and controlled all over again.  It made me feel like worthless scum.  He says hurtful things to me about sex (post), he cancels my credit card (post), and then he “forgives” me for getting a massage.  Just more punishment.

And how long is this “good will” towards me going to last?  Let’s see.  The card was cancelled a week ago.  The sex thing was about two and half weeks before that.   So I figure I’ve got about another week or two, maybe three, before I am again punished for something.

Maybe I will have found a different place to live by then.

Whatever.