One thing (of many) that I don’t like about living with a passive aggressive man is that it has made me suspicious.
Yesterday, he wanted me to go visit his mom. She is not doing well.
I was having a very rough week-end (in case you couldn’t tell from my previous post) and I did not go visit his mom.
I could tell last night and this morning that he was mad at me because I didn’t visit his mom. But he didn’t say so. He just did the “barely speaking to me” thing and let me know by his body language that he was not happy with me.
It’s not quite the same as a visit, but today, from work, I called his mom to talk with her for a few minutes. I could tell it cheered her up a little.
So tonight, when I came home from work, gym, and grocery store, here’s what I got from him.
“I want to talk to you for a minute. There is something that you do that really bothers me. You leave your laptop plugged in. I see the little green light on it and it just bugs me. It’s not good for the battery to leave it plugged in. But it’s your laptop and you can do whatever you want.”
Huh???
Okay, so I’ll try to remember to unplug my laptop during the day. I unplug it at night already.
But seriously? The little green light bugs him?
And fair enough. To each his own. He doesn’t have to like the little green light shining on my laptop.
It made me suspicious, though.
He wanted me to visit his mom. I didn’t. He got mad. I called his mom. I presume she told him; it’s what she would do. And he doesn’t like it that I leave my laptop plugged in.
Maybe I’m stretching it here.
That’s what living with a passive aggressive man will do to you.
The insanity of passive aggression.
Passive Aggressive Abuse 
Just remember, it’s not YOU it’s HIM. If it wasn’t the little green light it would have been something else. He wanted to upset you. You are not entitled to good things (I’m assuming his mother said your call was nice.) so when you are happy or receive good things…. presto! Let’s find something to put you back in the misery where you belong.
Don’t let him see that he hurt you. Go to another room or drive around until the pain/anger has subsided. Deep breath, you can do this. If you don’t want to unplug your laptop during the day… then don’t, put a piece of paper/cloth over the light and say “there, now the light won’t bother you.”. :)
You can do this. Just remember it’s not YOU it’s HIM. You do not cause/make him abuse you.
No, no, you’re not stretching it. You called it correctly. Just look at the conversation: “I want to talk to you for a minute. There is something that you do that really bothers me. You leave your laptop plugged in. I see the little green light on it and it just bugs me. It’s not good for the battery to leave it plugged in. But it’s your laptop and you can do whatever you want.” A normal, healthy husband would say something like, I thought I should let you know (if you didn’t know) or I wanted to remind you (if you did) that your battery will last longer if you don’t leave it plugged in all the time. (Or he might not say anything at all). That’s not what he did. Rather, something you do is bothering him. Why is is bothering him? It bugs him. Why is it bugging him? He is not giving you advice about how to maintain your computer well for your sake. He is letting you know that he found something you do that will give him an opportunity to tell you that you are bothering him, you are bugging him. He even wraps it up with the fact that you can do whatever you want. But you see, you will have to know that if you do not change your behavior in this little detail of life, he will see it and will know that it is your desire and intention to bother and to bug him. Now whether or not you leave it plugged in will be about him (and probably control) – not about the fact that you have other, more important things to think about during your day. It should have been a simple reminder if it was about the laptop. It was about him finding something to blame you for and he made it about himself.
“One thing (of many) that I don’t like about living with a passive aggressive man is that it has made me suspicious.”
Oh, how this hits home!
One of the things my good counselor told me – when you live with other people, you bump up against each other. People leave their stuff out, don’t replace the toilet paper, etc. When he said that I recognized the truth of it. (My husband has temper tantrums about this kind of thing all.the.time.) You just have to deal with it because it’s a fact of life in living with other people.
Your laptop being plugged in? If it bugs him, let it bug him. Leave it plugged in. It’s very likely a manipulative ploy – him controlling you – and if you now unplug it you are giving him what he wants.
As a side note I leave my laptop plugged in all the time (also am a fairly heavy user of it) and it’s almost five years old and doing okay.
You know it’s an excuse, that’s all this is. He’s mad, it’s a big deal that you didn’t go see his mom for him, he will use any little annoyance to tell you he’s upset. Potentially escalating the issue until it becomes about what is really bothering him… PA people, they are all the same. Predictably unpredictable.