can’t even imagine…

I read three posts today on love.

This one:  How to Stay Together in a World That Can’t Stop Breaking Up

This one:  How to Find the Courage to Love Again

And this one:  Relationship Salve: The Practice of Intentional Dialogues

I can’t even imagine.

Especially the third one, the post by Leo Babauta…  And the man he references, John Wineland.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have someone care for you so much.

I have a hard time comprehending these things, that there are actually men who care enough about their wives to work to make their relationship better.  Even when it is already a good relationship, they work to make it better.

I’ve heard Dave Ramsey say that once a year he and his wife go to a marriage counselor, not because their marriage needs help, but because he wants to know what they can do to make the marriage even better.

I’ve read similar things from other authors, too.

It blows my mind.

What must that be like?

I used to dream and imagine what it would be like to be with someone who actually wanted to care for me and wanted to improve the relationship.

But that is gone now.  I don’t even remember what it was like to dream about it.

In my work with my therapist, she is trying to help me to see that I have needs.  Maybe that’s a no-brainer, but apparently, it is something I have a difficult time grasping.

(Can you say, “codependent”?)

When I was a very little girl, I learned to be quiet and to not have needs.  To just be good and don’t ask for anything.   Obviously, it was a survival mechanism at the time, but it has done lots of damage over the years (including marrying someone who wouldn’t/couldn’t give me what I need).

Now I have to do the work to get “better.”

And maybe someday I will have the courage to find love.

Real love.