punishment and protecting

A couple of days ago, I asked him if he would fry a couple of eggs for me for breakfast while he was frying his own eggs for breakfast.  He said he would.  So he did yesterday.

This morning, when I went into the kitchen, just to be sure – because ya never know – I asked him if he was going to make eggs for me this morning.

He acted like he didn’t hear me.  Maybe he didn’t.  The exhaust fan over the stove was on and I wasn’t speaking very loudly.

I waited a minute to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t even look at me.  Finally he turned around and acted surprised that I was standing there.  I repeated my question and he said he would make the eggs for me.

I started working on making my lunch and he said, Is there some reason why [our daughter] can’t wash the dishes?  Do you think you are doing her a favor by not making her help around the house?

This might sound bizarre, but this is punishment.  He is mad at me for some reason and this is how he sometimes takes it out on me – by telling me that our daughter should wash the dishes.

Yes, there is a reason why our daughter doesn’t do the dishes.  A couple of reasons actually.

She will not risk the chance of being in kitchen if he might come home.  And since he works basically next door – less than a quarter mile away – there is always a chance he will come home.

Also, even though she knows it would help me if she washed dishes – and she does sometimes – she also knows it helps him and she doesn’t want to help him in any way.

I started crying as I finished making my lunch.

It’s too much.

He’s punishing me for some reason.

My daughter is struggling so much from anger.  So even though she loves me very much and regrets it as soon as she does it, she has started taking her anger out on me sometimes.

And I’m protecting both of them from each other.

I didn’t tell my husband any of this (“I’m protecting them from each other”), but I finally told him that I would wash the dishes when I came home from work tonight.

The cute UPS man is going on a cruise with his family next week.  I wish I had somewhere to go.  I’d like to go to a deserted beach somewhere and just be.

Anyhow, I have to get ready for work so I won’t be late.

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This entry was posted in covert abuse, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, relationships and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to punishment and protecting

  1. Seeing the Light says:

    If he is anything like my PAH, he could simply be punishing you for having to make your eggs. Around here, though, I always “deserve” punishment, so I don’t have to look for a specific reason, though I can often find one. A favorite tactic here is to make a food item for me or an unfavored child (often, believe it or not, eggs) and ruin it with a heavy dose of some seasoning (it varies) that doesn’t go with eggs and be in such total shock and surprise that you don’t want it. This generally happens when he offers to make it for you or on a holiday. Of course, there is no offer to re-do it the normal way. Then I (or the unfavored child) would feel ungrateful and unkind for not appreciating this great gift. Not anymore.
    I understand the struggle you are having with your daughter. This is very difficult because she knows the truth about him and can’t be expected to pretend he is a wonderful man and father. I can’t write more now, but I hear you.

  2. giorge thomas says:

    I’m sorry, but he’s right about your daughter. Worried she’s going to ‘bump into him’ is no excuse for not cleaning up after yourself. If she has time to be in the kitchen to create the dishes in the first place, she can clean them up. She is treating you as badly as you think he is.

  3. WritesinPJ's says:

    Before you wrote that it might sound bizarre, I was already there. I’ve experienced that so many times. If he can’t get at me directly for whatever reason, it’s one of the kids.

    Yesterday, my husband did the exact same thing. Same song, different verse.

  4. seriously says:

    this is super common in pa people, they cannot look like the bad guy so they make their partner do it. I almost want to tell them to put their friggin pants on… why do we have to be the bad guys all of the time. I’m so tired of it, I don’t even listen anymore.

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