This comment was left on one of my posts (see post) by sad.
“Passive aggressive men can not love, how else can anyone explain the emotional roller coaster they place their spouses into? They are damaged, they are not normal, they are twisted inside. Their childhood experiences were “abnormal”. I hurt for you because I wasted 36 years in a marriage that has consistently been painful and stressful, had breast cancer eight years ago because I did not want to bring pain to my sons by breaking the family. Now it is the only way for me not to get sick again. One can not subject one’s body to these negative and frustrating situations and not pay the price. These immature cowards need us to be their emotional punching bags. If you are still young, go get what you deserve somewhere else because the one you have now will never change.”
Passive Aggressive Abuse 
Spot on
Agreed to a certain point, it’s more like they do not know how to love. I know my PAH loves me, it even borders on the co-dependent sometimes (him – not me) but it’s very hard for these mean to love properly, their idea of love is skewed because of the way they were raised, however, once they know that they have a problem and mine does and he’s admitted to it, they can change, how much is up to them. At some point, they have a choice to “pretend” and do like the Ostrich or deal with it like a man. And of course, it’s up to the wife (me in this case) to decide whether it’s enough or not because it’s very very difficult for these men to “accept” that they are like that and mine is very hard on himself when he screws up. No one needs to stay in that kind of relationship unless you want to, in my case I do.
I don’t think my PA loved me. I think he loved how much I loved him. How much I was willing to do for him and how I made him feel. Once I stopped believing everything he said and bending over backwards to please him it stopped. He didn’t do anything to meet me half way or try to win me back. He also hasn’t done anything to end our marriage or move out. He just started dating other women and doing even less around the house.