Today we swapped vehicles. I drove his rattle-trap truck to work. He and Josh, his employee, took my van to go to a trade show. They definitely got the better end of the deal!
He left a bouquet of flowers for me in the truck, with a card that said:
Dear [my name],
Thank you for letting me take the van today. I really appreciate it.
Thank you also for helping me with the tree identification. That was very helpful and I enjoyed it.
I’m sorry that I got your eggs done late. I forgot about making them for you until I got into the kitchen late. I beg your forgiveness not only for that, but for all the other things I’ve messed up. The card isn’t big enough to list them all, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
I hope that you have a nice day and that you enjoy the flowers as a small token of appreciation.
I love you.
So, obviously very sweet.
But I don’t know what to think.
I am so tired right now. I don’t know if it means anything will change. I don’t know if he would actually be open to discussing some things that bother me. I don’t know if he is just being sweet for the moment because I haven’t done or said anything that makes him uncomfortable.
You would think that I would like it when he does sweet things, but, in reality, it makes me crazy. If he was sweet all the time, I could deal with that! But the nice, mean, nice, mean stuff – that is crazy-making.
And when he is in a “nice” phase, then I start thinking that I should stay. And that makes me crazy, too.
Right now, I wish I didn’t have to deal with any of it. I wish I had a nice, quiet, comfortable, peaceful place to just curl up and go to sleep. And I wish that when I woke up, it was all a bad dream.