Still here…

I miss blogging.

I  don’t have another job yet, even though I’ve had a number of interviews.  I’ve been enjoying my days without work, but I need to start looking for more stuff to apply for.

It’s still really, really, really difficult for me here.  I feel like the life is being sucked out of me.  I feel like I’m only partly alive.  This isn’t who I was meant to be.

It’s hard to write, knowing that my words will probably be read and despised.  So I can’t really say all I’d like to say.

I’m very thankful for my bed and my bedroom.  I don’t think I would have survived if I were still sleeping on the floor in the living room.

I’m still going to the therapist and she’s great.  I wish I could tell you more.

It is a beautiful day today and I will make the most of it!  You do the same, okay?

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This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Still here…

  1. Valerie says:

    All the best to you. If you haven’t, please check out Melanie Tonia Evans on YouTube. A day with her might give you some extra energy to move forward. :)

  2. CW says:

    I just read some of your notes and I am here to tell you that you are not alone….there are so many of us out here going thru the same thing but different and I know you understand what that means….I never had children with PA husband which in hindsight was the smartest thing I ever have done….I always wanted a little boy….anyway, that was a million years ago now…I am 54 and with my husband for 20 years exactly on May 11th……I have been anguishing, planning and researching for the past 3 on how to leave…I do have my own job and income…..I am finally next week leaving and moving far away from all the madness and my emotions are all over the place but I want to share with you that you will NEVER be okay until you start planning to leave and make a life for yourself dear one…..you are strong and you deserve better…….here are your wings….if I can do it………….you can do it!

  3. GainingStrength says:

    Two very important things (and very difficult to incorporate in my mind) I have learned in my recovery is “What other people think of you is none of your business.” And “Seek from God, not from man.”

    It is YOUR blog, write what helps YOU. It is for and about YOU. Calm yourself, work through emotions, ask for advice, rant & rave, whine, ease confusion…whatever it is this blog does for YOU, do it.

    This is about you reclaiming yourself, one itty-bitty-bitty step at a time. : )

    You are a human being and with that comes rights. These are what the abuser takes from us and we become an object, his possession. Take back yourself.

    Take back yourself.* Keep striving, freedom is calling. : ) You CAN do it, all of us abused women have inner strength, we are just fearful of the unknown and failure.

    *Easier said than done. : )

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